Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money making traditions aimed at tourists. Others,however,believe that it is the only way to save these traditions.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people think that cultural

traditions

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may be destroyed by money-making

traditions

Use synonyms

aimed at tourists, but some people think it is the way to save these

traditions

Use synonyms

However

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,I agree with both of those views. In

this

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essay, I explain why. Cultural

traditions

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are extremely crucial for every

country

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because any

country

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needs them to develop and remember history.

However

Linking Words

, the government can make money from that because it is a resource in

tourism

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.Tourists arrive in the

country

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and take part in some cultural

traditions

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to embark on an exciting trip and enjoy each other’s company but if cultural

traditions

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are active every

day

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or any time they want, they will lose traditional cultural values.

For example

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in Viet Nam “Cong Chien Tay Nguyen” is a Cultural tradition, they dance with special drums around the big fire to worship their god every year when the special

day

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comes,but now they do it every

day

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every time and everywhere they want for

tourism

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that makes it lose the soul value.If

this

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situation continues it will make

this

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activity normal and common and one

day

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no one care about it any more.

On the other hand

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, the Government making money from Cultural

traditions

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from

tourism

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can make Cultural

traditions

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famous and exist forever.The government have a plan to promote it and develop it from

tourism

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in the future. if

tourism

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develops,it can make many people know about the Cultural

traditions

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of that

country

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when they come to some places of interest have it and they will always remember it because they have a holiday of a lifetime.

To sum up

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. I agree with both of those views because it is harmful and beneficial too, money making

traditions

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aimed at tourists can make them lose soul value but can make them exist forever.

ieltswritingpracticedlMon Sep 30 2024

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task response

Your essay addresses both views, but there are a few areas where your arguments could be expanded or further clarified. Ensure that each paragraph is fully developed with clear, detailed explanations and examples to fully achieve the task response requirement.

coherence and cohesion

Work on improving the logical progression of your ideas. Some of your points are a bit repetitive, and the structure could be more organized. Try to improve the flow from one idea to the next to maintain better coherence and cohesion.

grammar and accuracy

There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be improved. Ensure that you proofread your work for grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression.

introduction and conclusion

You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay well.

task response

Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and a balanced discussion of both views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money making traditions aimed at tourists. Others,however,believe that it is the only way to save these traditions.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

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Some people think that the best way to stay fit is by joining a gym, while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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