Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Buildings
are the aesthetic of every nation whether ancient or modern. Some people say that ancient constructions have a bulk amount for
maintenance
and renovations, so the authorities should demolish the traditional Change preposition
of
buildings
and construct new
. Correct pronoun usage
new ones
However
, I strongly disagree with this
statement for the following reasons.
To commence with, ancient buildings
should be required and it does
not Verb problem
should
knock
down Wrong verb form
be knocked
due to
increasing the
maintenance Correct article usage
apply
cost
. Fix the agreement mistake
costs
This
is because conventional skyscrapers are the
treasures, and Correct article usage
apply
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
it
increase the tourism industry. Correct pronoun usage
they
For example
, one of the world's wonders which is the TajMahal
is located in India and it is Correct your spelling
Taj Mahal
a
ancient Change the article
an
buildings
, the government spends a huge amount Change the noun form
building
for
renovations Change preposition
on
due to
tourism, and as a result
, numerous travellers visit this
place. Needless to say, conventional constructions should not be demolished.
Furthermore
, traditional buildings
have more engineering skills
. This
means ancient skyscrapers were built in a long yeras
ago without using any modern technology and engineering Correct your spelling
years
skills
, therefore
, the younger generations have a chance to know
about our ancestor's engineering Verb problem
learn
skills
and talents. For instance
, the Tanjai big temple was built in Sola
kingdom and it is located in the Tamilnadu state of India, numerous engineering universities arrange Correct article usage
the Sola
visit
to Fix the agreement mistake
visits
this
particular place for
their student Change preposition
so
have to know
about their Wrong verb form
can learn
skills
. Then
, traditional buildings
should not be knocked down.
To conclude
, traditional constructions should not be demolished even if spends
more money Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
for repairing
. Change preposition
on repairs
Therefore
, I strongly agree with this
statement because it improves tourism
industry Correct article usage
the tourism
along with
the younger generation have
a chance to Wrong verb form
having
know
about their ancestor's Verb problem
learn
skill
and Fix the agreement mistake
skills
talent
.Fix the agreement mistake
talents
Submitted by reanudeepan on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction sets the stage well but could be more clearly stated. Try rephrasing for greater impact.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your paragraphs is generally clear, but there's occasional awkward phrasing that disrupts flow. Focus on smoother transitions between points.
task achievement
Expand on the ideas in your paragraphs to make them clearer. Providing more depth will enhance the reader's understanding and engagement.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, ensure they are consistently comprehensible and well-integrated into the argument. More specific details could further strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion nicely encapsulates your main points and reinforces your argument.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the Taj Mahal and the Tanjai Big Temple, effectively supports your claims.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example