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Band 6

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
Although
 there has been tremendous progress in agriculture, some people
in particular
 areas continue to suffer from starvation. I would like to point out that exploring the causes of
this
 problem can help in finding a solution to resolve it. The growing hunger can be attributed to several factors. First and foremost, many people lack the financial resources to purchase food in poor areas like in some African countries occur commonly. They cannot invest in modern farming equipment and use traditional farming practices
therefore
, they have low yield, lower productivity, and inefficiency.
Furthermore
, limited
access
 to new technology leads to limits in the adoption of agricultural technologies, data analytics, and market information systems that can decrease productivity.
In other words
, many farmers lack
access
 to extension services that provide training, resources, and support for implementing new technologies and practices. We should be addressing deep-rooted political, and economic issues. Implementing programs to increase incomes and provide social safety nets for the poorest can improve
access
 to food. From a political standpoint, addressing the root causes of conflict and promoting peace can stabilize regions and allow for the restoration of agricultural activities. Strengthening government institutions, reducing corruption, and implementing effective policies can improve food security and support for agriculture. In conclusion, even though the lack of financial resources and limited
access
 to new technology contribute to increased hunger in some countries, governments and experts can remedy the situation. In my opinion,
by
Change preposition
apply
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implementing comprehensive strategies that include economic and
politic
Replace the word
political
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 interventions are
steps
Fix the agreement mistake
step
show examples
 in the right direction.
Submitted by marzie.ghasemi98 on

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task achievement
The essay needs better clarity and deeper elaboration on how financial resources specifically impact the agricultural productivity of poor areas. Consider discussing specific examples or case studies.
coherence cohesion
Improve the use of linking words and phrases to ensure a more seamless connection between ideas. Some sentences seem disjointed, which can affect the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the discussion and ties the arguments together.
task achievement
It successfully addresses multiple factors contributing to hunger, as well as potential solutions, which showcases a nuanced understanding of the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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