IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, more young adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Globally it is observed that for better education and job opportunities,
people
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 tend to move away from their
parents
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.
While
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this
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 trend offers several advantages, it
also
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 presents notable drawbacks.
This
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 essay evaluates whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages when considering
this
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 choice.
Firstly
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, the key advantage of living with
parents
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 is that
people
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 do not have to struggle with their daily chores. When somebody moves to the city, they have to take
care
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 of their household activities
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 cooking, laundry, dishes, etc. and it becomes difficult for them to manage these tasks
along with
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 studies and work.
For example
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, in most household setups there is always someone from the family who helps each other to perform their daily chorus.
Secondly
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, another advantage is that
people
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 can take
care
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 of their
parents
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. Many
parents
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 are left alone
,
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apply
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 when their children move to different cities for better opportunities and there is no one to take
care
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 of them. Living alone creates loneliness in their lives which later turns into multiple health issues so living with
parents
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 and taking
care
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 of them helps them to live a wonderful
life
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.
On the other hand
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, one major drawback is that
people
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 develop a habit of dependency in their lives. If they live their whole
life
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 in a family setup, they will not be able to develop essential
life
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 skills that are needed when somebody lives alone,
as a result
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, they struggle to do even small household work in the absence of their
parents
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,
Moreover
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, these
people
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 are not able to explore their
life
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 and built a character
that is
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 required in today's world. In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages involved in living with
parents
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 after studies or securing a job, but as it offers a homely environment
along with
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 a sense that somebody is there to take
care
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 of them, I personally found
this
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 notion carries more advantages.

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General Advice
Be consistent with your punctuation. For example, avoid unnecessary commas such as after 'household activities such as,'.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on how living with parents might prevent young adults from exploring life and developing character - this part of the argument could be strengthened with more examples or details.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the essay is coherent, adding linking words or phrases could enhance the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs, making your argument flow more naturally.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of the topic, considering both advantages and disadvantages, which is essential for this type of argument essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have an effective introduction and conclusion that clearly present your position on the matter, which is crucial for a high score in this area.
Task Achievement
The essay includes relevant examples and reasoning to support the main points, which enhances the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cohabitation
  • intergenerational living
  • self-sufficiency
  • financial stability
  • maturation
  • dependency
  • socio-economic factors
  • familial dynamics
  • personal autonomy
  • housing affordability
  • cultural expectations
  • life trajectory
  • emotional resilience
  • nuclear family
  • joint family system
  • economic prudence
  • privacy concerns
  • social stigma
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