IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternative #sources
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals hold the view that innovative
artists
Use synonyms
 are supposed to be funded by
governments
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others consider that those
creaters
Correct your spelling
creators
creatures
 should be supported by other sources. In my opinion, I agree with the latter one. On the one hand, some people insist that
governments
Use synonyms
 giving financial support to
artists
Use synonyms
 can make them put more
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 creating their
Use synonyms
Correct word choice
own arts
show examples
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
, boosting more famous domestic
arts
Use synonyms
, which is beneficial for the spread of their local culture.
For example
Linking Words
, some
artists
Use synonyms
 like Van Gogh had
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
earning enough money for
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
, resulting
that
Change preposition
in
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
him
show examples
needs
Wrong verb form
needing
show examples
 to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on
part-
Add an article
a part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 to survive.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there are only limited
arts
Use synonyms
 left by him and the culture behind the art is seldomly known by individuals at that
time
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, if
governments
Use synonyms
 fund him, he would use most of the
time
Use synonyms
 to create more
arts
Use synonyms
 and the culture which is reflected
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
arts
Use synonyms
 would be prosperous immediately.
Consequently
Linking Words
, those people should be financially supported by
governments
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I agree with those people who argue that those pioneers are supposed to be funded in other ways.
First,
Linking Words
they should be provided more enlightening
create
Verb problem
apply
show examples
atmosphere
instead
Linking Words
 of being given more money from the
Use synonyms
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
. Establishing a more open environment for creators
encourges
Correct your spelling
encourages
artists
Use synonyms
 to make
innovation
Fix the agreement mistake
innovations
show examples
 and
publize
Correct your spelling
publish
 their
Use synonyms
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
. To be specific,
arts
Use synonyms
 may contain information that
against
Add a missing verb
is against
show examples
 the mainstream values during that
time
Use synonyms
. Based on that,
those information
Change the determiner
that information
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reveled
Correct your spelling
revealed
show examples
, they are prone to get into
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
 and
those punishment
Change the determiner
that punishment
those punishments
show examples
 can not be
dinimished
Correct your spelling
diminished
by
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
fine
Correct article usage
a fine
show examples
.
Second,
Linking Words
it is more important
for giving
Change preposition
to give
show examples
 them more opportunities to present their
Use synonyms
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
 rather in public than being funded by
governments
Use synonyms
. Many
artists
Use synonyms
are fail
Change the verb form
fail
show examples
 to be famous
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they have fewer chances to show
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 in front of audiences even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 are rich.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, they are less likely to meet their confidants,
thus
Linking Words
 unable to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
. In conclusion,
adimitly
Correct your spelling
obviously
, financial
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 beneficial for creative
artists
Use synonyms
 but I believe there are other measures
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 help them better.
Submitted by 1356388645 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, the clarity of transitions between different points could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, with clear connectors to enhance readability.
supported main points
Some main points, such as providing more enlightening creative atmospheres, are not clearly supported with specific examples. Try to incorporate more focused and illustrative examples to back up your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
There were some grammar mistakes and awkward phrases, such as 'those creators should be supported by other sources.' Consider revising your sentence structures for greater clarity and grammatical accuracy.
introduction and conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument, and the essay closes with a strong conclusion that summarizes your opinion well.
complete response
The essay attempts to provide a balanced view by discussing both perspectives, which is important for a complete response to the task.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: