Nowadays, many people spend a lot of time on their smartphones. What problems can too much screen time cause? What can be done to avoid these problems?
The actual digital era has become a big problem for people
,
since being connected all the time in front of their screens can cause many Remove the comma
apply
problems
that can affect both physical and mental health
.
Regarding physical health
, the problem that is
most associated with prolonged use of phones or screens is visual problems
, in which we can find dry eyes, red eyes, blurred
vision, among others. All of these Correct word choice
and blurred
problems
can affect overall
health
. A good example, it
happened to me, I was doing my activities in front of the screen as usual, when I felt a bite on my head and all my vision was erased, I Correct pronoun usage
apply
don´t
see anything, my eyes went dark, thank God I worked in a hospital and they immediately took me to the Ophthalmologist, but not taking proper care of your visual Wrong verb form
didn´t
health
can cause big problems
.
Mental health
also
has a negative effect on us. Being exposed to so much information can cause anxiety and a critical dependence on phones, especially among younger users. A very clear example of this
, when
I lend the phone uncontrollably to my daughters and Add a missing verb
is when
then
it is taken away from them, they become different people, they get stressed, fight, cry and suffer from anxiety.
To avoid these problems
, they can be implemented. First of all, establishing screen time limits, secondly
, reducing the use of filters that help mitigate eye strain ans thirtly
, turning off the phone Correct your spelling
and third
while
you sleep, it
can generate positive impacts on the Correct pronoun usage
apply
health
of each of us.
In conclusion, smartphones are necessary tools for today, it is important to know the problems
they bring and it is essential to implement different strategies so that our physical and mental health
are not compromised.Submitted by viataz33 on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, covering both the problems caused by excessive smartphone use and possible solutions. This is good! However, an improvement in coherence and cohesion could enhance the overall clarity and flow. Make sure to use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion. The introduction can briefly mention the problems and solutions that will be discussed, and the conclusion can restate these points more clearly. This will make your essay's structure more apparent to the reader.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph logically follows the previous one. Consider using transitional phrases like 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' or 'Conversely' to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Your essay provides relevant and specific examples that effectively illustrate the points you're making. This strengthens your arguments and makes your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported. You effectively discuss both physical and mental health issues related to smartphone use and offer concrete solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is logical, with clear points that are easy to follow. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, which adds clarity.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.