IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people spend most of their lives close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and dis advantages?

#people #lives #dis
The most
Correct article usage
Most
show examples
 of some individual lives are spent in the vicinity of where they were born. In
this
assay
Correct your spelling
essay
show examples
 the reasons for
this
 topic
as well as
 its
advantages
 and
dis
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
show examples
advantages
.
Due to
 the fact that some
people
 prefer to be in a stable situation, where they
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 may have a familiar tradition, a culture and a
languaue
Correct your spelling
language
 for them.
Therefore
, it is more likely to be compatible with their taste and personality.
This
 leads to no
concerned
Replace the word
concern
show examples
 about the judgements about their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 or manners.
For example
, in some cultures, having noisy wedding ceremonies and wearing traditional clothes are more formal.
However
, these cultures may be strange
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other
people
.
As a result
 of them, a
nimber
Correct your spelling
number
show examples
 of individuals are reluctant to change their comfort zone.
In addition
, from an emotional viewpoint, some
people
 prefer to live close to where they were born.
This
 means that they are worried about their relatives and parents and they are not willing to travel to these regions on a regular basis
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they prefer to live close to them in order to look after them.
This
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
 to be ensure about treatments and living conditions of elderly parents. In order to
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of
this
 decision we can highlight that these
people
 are more likely to know
people
 and their personalities better. That means better communications and efficient interactions with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 conflicts in these regions.
This
 results in
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 peaceful atmosphere
as well as
 less stress.
Furthermore
, some
people
 benefit from a
cost-effecient
Correct your spelling
cost-efficient
 accommodation
while
 they are living in these places. They are supported by living with relative families because they are more likely to pay less on rent. In conclusion, some
people
 are willing to be close
where
Change preposition
to where
show examples
 they were born since they are not willing to change their stable states and emotional situations.
In addition
, less conflict in
this regions
Change the determiner
this region
these regions
show examples
 among
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 and cost-efficient accommodation are pointed
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
advantages
,
moreover
 limited knowledge about different cultures and rejecting different ideas may be its disadvantages.
Submitted by kargar.mh1992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on improving grammar and spelling; for instance, 'assay' should be 'essay,' and 'nimber' should be 'number.' Attention to detail can help convey your ideas more clearly.
introduction
The introduction could be more engaging. Begin with a compelling statement or question related to the topic to grab the reader's attention.
examples
Provide more relevant examples to better illustrate your points. Specific examples help in making arguments more convincing.
conclusion
Conclude with a more comprehensive wrap-up that reiterates the main points discussed in the essay. This will help in creating a satisfying closure for the reader.
structure
The essay maintains a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coverage
The reasons for staying close to where people were born and the advantages and disadvantages are well-covered, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
depth
Emotional and cultural reasons are well-explored, adding depth to the analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: