Some people believe that allowing childern to make their own choices on everyday matters (Such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuls who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for childern to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There are different views among people about how we should raise and educate
children
in a
efficient way to have an effective society in the future. Some argue that the most effective way is to Change the article
an
take
them the Verb problem
give
freedom
of choices
in their daily issues, Fix the agreement mistake
choice
while
the opponents of this
idea have various concerns about too individualised community in future and its
problems which may arise. In my Change the word
the
opinion
the most effective method is to maintain a balanced view regarding Add a comma
opinion,
this
matter.
Initially
, the importance of freedom
in what children
can choose should be taken into consideration. A normal and healthy society must aware
of their basic rights and responsibilities. In Add a missing verb
be aware
this
case, due to
the fact that children
of the society benefit from their own freedom
to select between a wide range of options and also
have access to the information about positive and negative sides and effects of each selection, we can expect them to act wisely and responsively towards their choices. Furthermore
, it can help them to learn gradually different real world
problems and try to offer creative solutions as well.
Add a hyphen
real-world
On the other hand
, if parents only let their children
to
make Change the verb form
apply
decision
on what they wish without any concern about the consequences of each case, eventually it can lead to a selfish one Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
that is
not able to have a clear perception about
their world and may convey Change preposition
of
this
idea that they stand at the centre of the universe. Moreover
, in later case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
the
one’s acceptance and Correct article usage
apply
adaption
abilities which play an important role in life can not be developed in an efficient way.
In conclusion, Replace the word
adaptation
whereas
there are controversial debates on choosing the best method of learning for next
generation in terms of Correct article usage
the next
freedom
of alternatives that they may have, I believe that looking at both advantages
and disadvantages of each method separately and holding a fair viewpoint is the best approach.Correct article usage
the advantages
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task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides a balanced opinion which is commendable. However, the argument can be strengthened by adding more specific examples and evidence to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Minor improvements can be made to ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, enhancing the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences can be made more concise and clear. Avoiding minor grammatical errors and using varied sentence structures will help. For instance, replacing 'let their children to make decision' with 'letting their children make decisions' makes the sentence flow better.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument and giving a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear with a logical flow from introduction to conclusion.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are relevant to the topic and comprehensive.
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