IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

There is a common trend for housing shortages in the city. What are the causes? What can be done to solve it?

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In
this
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 day and age, the phenomenon of lacking houses in the
cities
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 is now a debating point. The writer, in light of
this
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, contends that
this
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 situation stems from the overcrowding population in the
cities
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 and the fast speed of urbanization, especially in the industrial field, yet it can be solved by improving the transport system between rural and urban
areas
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.
Initially
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,
cities
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 have a substantial amount of
people
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.
That is
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 to say,
people
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 coming from surrounding
city
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areas
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 or rural ones usually move to the
city
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 because of the prevalence of job opportunities available in metropolitan
areas
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 with better pay compared to the negligible wages in rural
areas
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.
As a consequence
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, the more
people
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 move to the metropolis, the more houses are being built for the commuters to settle down to work,
while
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 the
city
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 space for accommodation is limited,
thus
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 leading to house shortage as there is no more space left to build any house. Vietnam,
for example
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, where too many
people
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 from the countryside move to big
cities
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 to work and live, which leads to the problem of housing shortage.
Additionally
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, the fast pace of industrialization must
also
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 be taken into consideration. To be more specific, there are numerous factories being built in the
cities
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 to manufacture daily products for residents which require a wide range of employees to operate. Those
people
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 are employed in various regions and altogether in the
city
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. Despite that, the infrastructure of the town
such
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 as accommodation capacities is yet to be developed fully, leading to the fact that these services are unable to fit the demands of all
people
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.
As a result
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, employees have to live in public apartments that are low in quality or do not have any houses at all. A solution,
however
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, can be found in government action. Specifically, enhancing public transportation
such
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 as free buses between the two
areas
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 will be ideal since
people
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 can settle down in the countryside whilst finding a suitable occupation in the
city
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 to earn a decent salary without concern about geographical distances. Should
this
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 happen, the density of population in the
cities
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 will decrease significantly
as well as
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 reduce the burden on
city
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 accommodation,
therefore
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 acting as an incentive for a holistic improvement in either
cities
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 or rural
areas
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.
To conclude
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, house shortage comes from overpopulation
as well as
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 the gradual speed of industrialization.
This
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 problem,
nevertheless
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, can be addressed by enhancing public transportation between the two
areas
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.

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task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task and addressed the causes and solutions effectively. However, try to enhance the clarity of your ideas by using more concise sentences and avoiding redundancy.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure and clear introduction and conclusion, work on ensuring smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will make your argument flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-presented introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have used relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which enhance the quality of your arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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