Aar lot of old people e suffering from loneliness these days. They also lack physical fitness. What do you think are the reasons for this problem? Can you think of possible solutions?
This
is true that more and more the old stay alone, even they also
shortage of physical fitness. This
essay will explain some reasons and give some ways to tackle them.
It is important to understand that the development of automation is the main driver. What I mean is, that teenagers are connected by high machinery gadgets on a regular basis, and older community who struggle to catch up with that trend will lose in
touch with their friends or even their relatives. Change preposition
apply
As a result
, the loneliness is inevitable for them. Another noticeable reason is that
the pressure of workload which teenagers have to suffer from. I firmly believe that the young spend much time Correct word choice
apply
on
working and studying, so the shortfall of time for their parent or their grandparent leads to older people's loneliness. The lack of physical fitness can be explained because the old are unable to invite someone to do exercises together, they find that monotonous and do not want to do that.
Change preposition
apply
This
is a conundrum but can be handled by some solutions. Firstly
, the government should hold some meetings for the old with the objective that they can acquire the
knowledge about machinery and make friends with peers. Correct article usage
apply
This
way will consolidate older people's using gadgets capacity, Correct word choice
and at
at
a result, they can connect with their friends efficiently. Change preposition
as
Moreover
, older people can broaden their relationship via that meeting. After that, more meetings between them will be
Unnecessary verb
apply
occured
and the loneliness will be demolished. Correct your spelling
occur
Secondly
, the teenager should spend more time with their parent. After school or hard work, they should come into contact with their relatives for at least an hour. The relationship will be consolidated and older
community will not feel solitary on the condition that Correct article usage
the older
this
solution is conducted. Moreover
, the young should encourage their parent to do slight exercise to keep fit.
In conclusion, the development of technology and the pressure of workload
of Correct article usage
the workload
teenager
bring solitude to the old. Fortunately, there are some solutions to diminish that negative emotion.Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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task achievement
The introduction is clear but could be more engaging to draw the reader's attention from the start.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea to improve readability and coherence.
task achievement
It's important to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning specific gadgets or types of physical activities could enhance your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and provides possible solutions to the problem, which is a strong point in terms of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You made an effort to explain the reasons for the issue before discussing solutions, which shows logical structure in your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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