IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is widely accepted that there can be several purposes of
science
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.
However
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, I strongly agree that enhancing
people
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's
lives
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 should be the foremost priority. In
this
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 essay, I will shed light on those reasons and explain related examples.
To begin
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 with, the development of
science
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 can lead to a nation's economic growth. To be specific, the advancement of the machinery for factories can enhance the
overall
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 effectiveness of the industry.
For instance
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, in the 18th century, the conveyor belt was invented in the UK. A new system was able to cut off manufacturing time and
to
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apply
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hire fewer employees than the previous era.
Therefore
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, the UK had shown a steep rise in its GDP, which led to a massive increase in national assets.
In other words
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, inventing new devices can be related to the prosperous economy of a nation.
Furthermore
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, the advancement of
science
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 can
also
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 impact an individual's life in beneficial ways. Nowadays,
people
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 want to have more options in their
lives
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 and adjust them
according to
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 their own lifestyles. Though some of those options were thought to be impossible in the past,
however
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,
due to
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 the development of
science
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 now it can be achieved in some cases. Take a good example of Korea, it was impossible for unfertilized couples to have babies until 1980. But from 1990, as in vitro fertilization technology was invented at Cha's University, those unfertilized couples could have the possibility of having babies. Since
then
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,
people
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 have been able to choose how large their family will be.
This
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 example shows how advanced technology could affect
people
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's
lives
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 in a positive way, by letting them choose their own life plans as they want.
To sum up
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,
while
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 it is apparent that the aim of
science
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 could be variable,
it is clear that
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 to enhance
people
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's
lives
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 should be the primary purpose. As the development of
science
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 can foster a nation's economy and offer multiple options to individuals, it is necessary to consider upgrading
people
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's
lives
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 by exploring
science
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 in the future.

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lexical resource
Make sure to refine and diversify your vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource component. This will add depth and precision to your arguments.
task achievement
Try to further elaborate on your ideas to ensure they are fully comprehensive and address possible counterarguments. This will help to make your essay more robust and sophisticated.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, well-explained body paragraphs, and a strong conclusion that ties everything together.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the invention of the conveyor belt in the UK and in vitro fertilization technology in Korea, effectively supports the main points.
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