IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the best way to improve roads safety would be to increase minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motobikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #roads #safety #age #cars #motobikes
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Whether raising the lower limit of legal
age
 for driving will work or not is controversial. In my perspective, just changing the
age
 limit will do no good compared to education, the reformation of the roads, and the use of auto-regulation. I will provide a balanced discussion about
this
 topic in the following sections.
First,
some argue that young reckless driving behaviours are risking normal people's lives.
However
,
for example
, the latest analysis by the Japanese police office has revealed that most car
accidents
 are caused by drug and alcohol abusers or
drivers
 under certain health conditions with prescription medication.
Furthermore
, an increasing number of children under eighteen years old have become victims of car
accidents
due to
 misconduct by elderlies in recent rapidly ageing societies. There should be something to change
this
 situation.
Second,
there are lots of countermeasures to reduce the number of traffic
accidents
 rather than changing the
age
 limit for a driver's licence.
For instance
, arrangement or reformation of the roads
such
 as cutting the branches of trees around the corner or putting standing mirrors in order to widen the visual sight for
drivers
. Education both for pedestrians and
drivers
 at school or workplace will work
as well as
 using auto-regulation systems in vehicles.
Likewise
, we have a variety of methods to prevent future terrible
accidents
. In conclusion,
although
 some individuals insist they should raise the legal
age
 for a driver's licence, its influence is little because it does not change the fundamental problems. Direct education for both
drivers
 and non-
drivers
, reformation of the road, and auto-regulating system are essential for improving road safety.
Submitted by kana_ayaki on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a solid introduction and conclusion, but the flow of ideas can be improved. Consider organizing your paragraphs so each one conveys a single clear idea and relates directly to the central argument.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, some points can be further elaborated for depth and clarity. Adding more specific statistics or studies, if possible, can make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing multiple ways to improve road safety instead of merely increasing the legal driving age.
task achievement
Including specific examples like the Japanese police data helps ground your argument in real-world evidence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction that sets the context for your essay and a well-rounded conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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