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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that what people do to protect the environment cannot make a difference

#people #environment #difference
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Whether it is possible to protect the environment is a highly subjective discussion point.
However
, from
this
 writer's experience, it is useful to preserve the natural habitat
due to
 advances in technology and public awareness, despite those who believe that
this
 may not work. It must be understood that the world’s technological system is developed.
This
 is
due to
 significant investment in science and technique. With
this
 in mind, people may find it possible to find out the causes of habitat destruction, and
then
 look for solutions to tackle these problems.
Consequently
, the opportunities are more substantial to prevent
further
 disasters, leading to an enhanced way of living.
However
, some people think that environmental protection is more than scientific action but about the cost of advancements in the world.
In other words
, the development may require the usage of natural resources, which have a negative effect on nature. They are right to a certain extent, but these problems can
also
 be solved by the governments by using renewable sources like solar energy, biomass and icy stone. From
this
 writer’s experience, the communities are better acted for the environment by being educated at school.
This
 is because they may have more chances to access environmental attention and deal with the challenges worldwide.
Moreover
, they can
also
 launch campaigns or
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apply
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through
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advertising to improve the responsibility of people and cooperate in order to create a peaceful world.
Hence
, the writer is swayed by public actions, as an effective way to pressure issues. Clearly,
this
 essay has shown that the main factors which protect the ecosystem are technology and educating the public.
Therefore
, to maintain a sustainable life for future generations.
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task achievement
Your essay does a good job at addressing the topic, but consider including more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For example, mention specific technological advances that help the environment or particular educational programs that raise awareness.
task achievement
Work on developing clear, comprehensive ideas. In some paragraphs, your points could be elaborated more thoroughly. For instance, you could explain more about how public awareness campaigns work or provide data on their effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and fully expands on it. This will improve the logical progression of your argument. There are moments in your essay where it feels like you're touching on several points at once, which can disrupt the flow.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which gives a clear framework to your essay. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt at structuring logical arguments and breaking down the issue into smaller parts. You effectively discuss both the technological aspect and the importance of public awareness, which shows balanced thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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