Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent years, numerous people
belive
that doing Wrong verb form
have believed
monotone
Add an article
a monotone
the monotone
activity
is more Fix the agreement mistake
activities
convinence
. At the same time, there are individuals who Correct your spelling
convenient
doing
various Wrong verb form
do
activity
to enjoy their lives. Fix the agreement mistake
activities
This
essay will discuss both view
and my own opinion.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that individuals decided to do their monotone activity all day. There are some reasons that forced them to do Correct pronoun usage
my view
that
Change the determiner
that thing
those things
things
. First,
they feel convenience
and confident. Replace the word
convenient
Moreover
, they feel that changing is not necessary because of
they feel completely satisfied with their job, families, and the way they Change preposition
apply
lives
and Change the verb form
live
no
need something more Verb problem
do not
improve
. Fix the infinitive
to improve
For instance
, people often work at the same company instead
of looking for the better one or doing self improvement
Add a hyphen
self-improvement
due to
the fear to take
a risk and they do not succeed and rather Change preposition
of taking
choosing
to stay in their comfort zone.
Wrong verb form
choose
On the other hand
, in my point of view, change is always good
Correct article usage
a good
things
. We have to improve ourselvesFix the agreement mistake
thing
,
since Remove the comma
apply
this
is modern
era Add an article
a modern
the modern
which
Change preposition
in which
is
technology Unnecessary verb
apply
keep
improving. Change the verb form
keeps
Moreover
the world never Add a comma
Moreover,
stop
moving and growing. Change the verb form
stops
That is
why, it will feels
Change the verb form
feel
bored
and useless if we cannot grow together as Replace the word
boring
the
technology did. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, doing various things
and changing could teach us how to adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
with
new Change preposition
to
environment
and difficult situations. Fix the agreement mistake
environments
For example
, those people who had
a lot of Wrong verb form
have
experiences
will Fix the agreement mistake
experience
easir
to grow their Correct your spelling
easier
carrier
and bring them a lot of opportunities.
In conclusion, I think it Correct your spelling
careers
is
Change the verb form
depends
depends
the Add the preposition
depends on
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
it self
to Correct your spelling
itself
decided
what is the best decision for Wrong verb form
decide
themself
. whether they will choose the same Correct pronoun usage
them
things
all day or do opposite
. Correct article usage
the opposite
Aslong
as they feel that it is suitable for their lives.Correct your spelling
As long
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay needs a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses both views and states your opinion more explicitly. It will help set up the framework for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relevant.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. The second body paragraph is a bit disjointed and could benefit from a more coherent argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on your transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help the essay flow better and improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for grammatical errors and sentence structure. Improving your grammar will make your essay more polished and easier to understand.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.