Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In recent years, numerous people
belive
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have believed
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that doing
monotone
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a monotone
the monotone
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activity
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activities
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is more
convinence
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convenient
. At the same time, there are individuals who
doing
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do
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various
activity
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activities
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to enjoy their lives.
This
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essay will discuss both
view
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my view
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and my own opinion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that individuals decided to do their monotone activity all day. There are some reasons that forced them to do
that
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that thing
those things
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things
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.
First,
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they feel
convenience
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convenient
show examples
and confident.
Moreover
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, they feel that changing is not necessary because
of
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apply
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they feel completely satisfied with their job, families, and the way they
lives
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live
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and
no
Verb problem
do not
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need something more
improve
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to improve
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.
For instance
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, people often work at the same company
instead
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of looking for the better one or doing
self improvement
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self-improvement
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due to
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the fear
to take
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of taking
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a risk and they do not succeed and rather
choosing
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choose
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to stay in their comfort zone.
On the other hand
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, in my point of view, change is always
good
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a good
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things
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thing
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. We have to improve ourselves
,
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apply
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since
this
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is
modern
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a modern
the modern
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era
which
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in which
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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technology
keep
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keeps
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improving.
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Moreover
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Moreover,
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the world never
stop
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stops
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moving and growing.
That is
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why, it will
feels
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feel
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bored
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boring
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and useless if we cannot grow together as
the
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apply
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technology did.
Furthermore
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, doing various
things
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and changing could teach us how to
adopt
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adapt
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with
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to
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new
environment
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environments
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and difficult situations.
For example
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, those people who
had
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have
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a lot of
experiences
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experience
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will
easir
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easier
to grow their
carrier
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careers
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and bring them a lot of opportunities. In conclusion, I think it
is
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depends
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depends
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depends on
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the
individuals
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individual
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it self
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itself
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to
decided
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decide
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what is the best decision for
themself
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. whether they will choose the same
things
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all day or do
opposite
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the opposite
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.
Aslong
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As long
as they feel that it is suitable for their lives.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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task achievement
Your essay needs a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses both views and states your opinion more explicitly. It will help set up the framework for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relevant.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. The second body paragraph is a bit disjointed and could benefit from a more coherent argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on your transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help the essay flow better and improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for grammatical errors and sentence structure. Improving your grammar will make your essay more polished and easier to understand.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • status quo
  • stagnation
  • routine
  • comfort zone
  • predictability
  • specialization
  • innate
  • personal growth
  • adaptability
  • fast-paced
  • new horizons
  • equilibrium
  • progress
  • dynamic
  • transformation
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