IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Most artist earn low salaries and should therefore recieved fundings from government in order for them to continue thier work. to what extent do you agree?

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In contemporary society, the financial challenges faced by
artists
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, who often earn low salaries despite their cultural contributions, raise significant questions about the role of
government
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 funding in supporting their work.
While
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 I acknowledge the importance of sustaining artistic
endeavors
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endeavours
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, the extent to which governments should provide financial support is a topic of debate.
Firstly
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, many
artists
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 struggle to make ends meet
due to
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 the nature of their professions. Careers in the arts typically offer irregular income streams and limited financial security compared to more traditional occupations.
For example
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, freelance writers or performing
artists
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 may experience fluctuating earnings based on project commissions or performance opportunities, making financial planning and stability difficult.
Secondly
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, the cultural and societal benefits of art underscore the argument for
government
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 funding. Art plays a crucial role in preserving cultural heritage, fostering creativity, and promoting social cohesion.
For instance
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,
government
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-funded arts programs in countries like France or the UK enable
artists
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 to create and showcase their work, enriching public life and contributing to national identity.
However
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, the extent of
government
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 intervention should balance fiscal responsibility with cultural enrichment. Over-reliance on
government
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 funding may lead to dependency or stifle artistic freedom and innovation.
Moreover
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, funding decisions must ensure equitable distribution across diverse artistic disciplines and support emerging
as well as
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 established
artists
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. In conclusion,
while
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government
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 funding is vital in supporting
artists
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 facing financial challenges, it should be part of a broader strategy that includes private patronage, philanthropy, and sustainable arts policies. By striking
this
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 balance, societies can ensure that
artists
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 have the resources they need to continue their creative
endeavors
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endeavours
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while
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 enriching cultural life for all.

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task achievement
Your essay exhibits a well-rounded response to the task prompt. To further enhance your task response, you could provide more in-depth specific examples or case studies, which can strengthen the argument. Additionally, consider addressing potential counterarguments to offer a more comprehensive discussion.
coherence cohesion
To achieve higher cohesion in your essay, you could use more transitional phrases and linking words that better connect your ideas. This will allow for a smoother flow of information and make the essay more engaging to read.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong and clearly frame the argument. This provides the reader with a clear understanding of your stance and successfully wraps up your essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and covers both sides of the argument, showcasing a balanced perspective. This enhances the completeness of your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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