IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people think that it will be one of the best ways to solve the environment problems to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

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In the contemporary era, environmental degradation poses a significant threat to our planet’s sustainability. To address
this
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 pressing concern, some advocate for a substantial increase in the cost of
ammunition
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 for automobiles and other modes of transport. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
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 proposition, as it not only serves as a potent deterrent to excessive vehicle usage but
also
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 incentivizes the adoption of eco-friendly alternatives, thereby fostering a greener environment. There can be no doubt that escalating fuel prices act as a powerful tool to curtail the rampant use of automobiles, which are major contributors to air pollution and greenhouse gas emissions. When
ammunition
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 becomes costlier, individuals are compelled to rethink their transport choices.
Consequently
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, there is a shift towards utilizing public transportation, carpooling, cycling, or walking, all of which significantly reduce the carbon footprint associated with commuting.
Moreover
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, heightened
ammunition
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 costs encourage people to opt for fuel-efficient vehicles or hybrid/electric cars, which
further
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 diminish environmental harm. Another point worth mentioning is that
,
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apply
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 the revenue generated from increased
ammunition
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 taxes can be strategically allocated towards funding renewable energy projects and sustainable infrastructure development.
This
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 financial influx facilitates the advancement of clean energy technologies and the establishment of efficient public transit systems. By investing in renewable energy sources
such
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 as solar, wind, and hydroelectric power, nations can gradually reduce their reliance on fossil fuels,
thus
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 mitigating the adverse impacts of climate change. In conclusion, raising the cost of
ammunition
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 for automobiles and other vehicles is an indispensable measure in combatting environmental degradation. By discouraging excessive vehicle usage, promoting the adoption of eco-friendly shipment alternatives, and facilitating investments in sustainable infrastructure,
this
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 approach paves the way towards a cleaner, healthier planet for future generations.
Therefore
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, governments worldwide should earnestly consider implementing policies that prioritize environmental conservation through the strategic regulation of
ammunition
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 prices.

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task achievement
Your essay comprehensively addresses the topic and provides clear, well-explained ideas. To enhance your score further, consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and robust.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you use precise terminology throughout the essay. For instance, instead of "ammunition," which is typically associated with weapons, use "fuel." This will prevent any confusion and will make your essay clearer and more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a strong conclusion. This makes your argument easy to follow and understand.
coherence cohesion
You present your main points logically and support them with explanations, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
Your response to the task is complete and you provide clear and comprehensive ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon emissions
  • public transport
  • fuel-efficient
  • electric vehicles
  • renewable energy
  • green technologies
  • disproportionately affect
  • commuting
  • infrastructure development
  • cycling and walking
  • deforestation
  • industrial pollution
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