IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is important to tell or read stories for their children. Others think that parents don’t gave to do this because there are many sources for children to read like books, comics and websites. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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It is widely believed that
parents
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 take a pivotal role in storytelling for their
children
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,
while
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 there are still some
think
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who think
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 that they do not need to do
this
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due to
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 many reading resources for
children
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 like
books
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, websites and comics. In spite of the advantages of these sources,
this
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 writer strongly agrees with the form statement to some extent. Admittedly, there are numerous reasons why
children
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 can read
stories
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 via comics,
books
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 and websites
instead
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 of
parents
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. Chief of these is that they can foster their independence and self-directing
skills
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. Indeed, reading
independently
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independent
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books
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 allows them to explore them more clearly
as well as
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reading
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read
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in
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at
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 their own pace to follow the content, so these
skills
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 can be encouraged.
Moreover
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, allowing kids
reading
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to read
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books
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by
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on
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 their own means that they can have more perspectives and opinions about the content from other online users that might not be available just through parent-led storytelling.
Therefore
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, their intellect and critical thinking proficiencies can be improved. Despite
benefits
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the benefits
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 of reading solitarily, that of reading
book
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books
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 guided by
parents
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 is more considerable. Evidently, hearing
stories
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 told by them can help
children
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 enhance their listening
skills
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 and holistic understanding
from
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of
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 their views.
Thus
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,
children
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’s imagination from what
parents
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 tell and creative thinking can be better.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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 can intervene
the
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in the
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 story to make it more suitable for the
children
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 and align with their families’ beliefs and experiences.
As a result
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, they are able to grow properly and
do
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are
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 not
detrimental
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apply
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affected by
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apply
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the
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apply
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external factors. In conclusion, given the development of independent
skills
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 and a wide variety of ideas from the
stories
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, I do understand why kids can read them from
books
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 or online sources rather than their families.
However
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, reading
stories
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along with
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parents
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 can be better because of
enhancement
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the enhancement
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 of imaginational ability and
suitable-age
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suitable
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 ones.

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task response
Your essay adequately addresses the question by discussing both views and providing your opinion. However, ensure you clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion for better clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, and ideas are logically organized. However, improving the clarity of sentences and reducing complex structures can enhance readability.
task response
You provide main points and supporting ideas but incorporating more specific examples and detailed explanations can strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using appropriate linking words and phrases can help achieve better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Addressing language use can improve clarity. Focus on selecting precise words and structuring sentences more straightforwardly to avoid confusion.
task response
You presented a balanced discussion by considering both viewpoints, which demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay, with clear paragraphs for each point, helps in maintaining a logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Using some complex sentences effectively shows a good grasp of grammatical structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster emotional bonds
  • holistic understanding
  • imagination and creative thinking
  • impart morals and values
  • self-directed learning
  • educational websites
  • interactive apps
  • multimedia experiences
  • diverse array of perspectives
  • parent-led storytelling
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