IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#internet #newspapers
With the rise of the
internet
Change noun form
internet's
show examples
 popularity, newspapers
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 become out of date. I strongly agree with
this
 statement
due to
 the fact that almost everything that people want to know
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 on the net.
Furthermore
, with the
emerging
Replace the word
emergence
show examples
 of new technology, web
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 can be accessed from anywhere with their mobile phone, allowing unlimited possibility to access huge
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 of
information
.
Firstly
,
habit
Add an article
the habit
a habit
show examples
 of searching
information
Change preposition
for information
show examples
 through the newspaper is being shifted to the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
,
this
 is
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 the convenience that they offer. Almost
every
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
information
 that
essentials
Fix the agreement mistake
essential
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 already on the websites.
Furthermore
, by surfing through the web people will not only obtain
information
, but they can
also
 make money from it. The web network offered a limitless number of possibilities.
For instance
, by using the
internet
 many workers can work remotely, acquiring better
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 by working for foreign
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
.
Secondly
, the continuous evolution of technology has
allow
Change the verb form
allowed
show examples
 everyone to access the net from their palm with the help of their mobile phone.
This
phenomena
Change the determiner
phenomenon
show examples
 is a massive thing,
because
Correct word choice
and because
show examples
 of it people nowadays can
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 up
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the newest
information
 in
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
. If the
internet
 is used wisely, it can bring the greater good
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the human
races
Fix the agreement mistake
race
show examples
.
Furthermore
, it can be used to spread
numerous
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
positivity to the entire
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
world. One clear example is
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
such
 as WWF and UN can use it for their campaign, spreading the news around the globe. In conclusion, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 emergence of the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
is true
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
This
 is happening because technology keeps renewing itself, allowing humans to have more convenience.
Submitted by nputera.ramadhani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Consider creating distinct paragraphs for each main point to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is thoroughly supported with specific examples or detailed explanations to strengthen your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Pay attention to grammar, especially subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, to improve the clarity of your ideas.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
You have presented a clear position and maintained it throughout the essay, which is good for task achievement.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, which is a positive aspect of your essay's structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Access
  • Convenient
  • Fast
  • Expensive
  • Wider range
  • News sources
  • Perspectives
  • Readership
  • Demographics
  • Physical
  • Tangible
  • Reading experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: