Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Whilst, many individuals argue that producing a more
fulfill
community depends on the small disparities in salary between the wealthiest and the most impoverished members. Replace the word
fulfilling
While
,
the writer advocates that Remove the comma
apply
this
is not the best way to create a happy society through ensuring similar income due to
the amount of work which the rich contribute to the
society and the maintenance of Correct article usage
apply
high quality
life.
It should be acknowledged that it is unacceptable that the rich deserve the higher Add a hyphen
high-quality
earning
for what they have done to the community. Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
In other words
, the significant contribution and their abilities in academic fields are unable to be paid at a low price. In
a consequence, the wealthy tend to strike and it affects the entire economy of an enterprise or even a country. Change preposition
As
For instance
, if the salaries of the
rich people are lower than Correct article usage
apply
from
what they expected to receive, they will criticize and Change preposition
apply
be
unemployed rather than be paid Verb problem
become
at
a low salary.
Change preposition
apply
However
, critics justify that minimizing the difference in earning
between the rich and the poor can assist in many pressing issues. They believe that the Correct your spelling
earnings
increasing
in the impoverished workers’ salaries Replace the word
increase
have
the ability to reduce the homeless rates and social evils. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
This
is true in some cases but this
leads to complacency and alleviation of motivation, as they do no work as much as how much they are paid. Thus
, many companies should not pay the poor with high earning
.
The author holds a belief that the reduction in the gap Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
of
payment between the wealthy and the poor Change preposition
in
cause
Replace the word
causes
the
difficulty in maintaining a Correct article usage
apply
high quality
life. What the author means is that the rich are incapable Add a hyphen
high-quality
to keep
the previous living expenses with lower income, as they have to lessen the expenditure to fit it with the lower salary. Change preposition
of keeping
In
a consequence, Change preposition
As
this
has a detrimental impact on their family and descendants.
In brief, there are still better solutions to produce a more delightful community instead
of reducing the disparities in remuneration of the wealthy and the impoverished. The writer thinks that this
approach will create arrogance in the poor employers and struggling
Wrong verb form
struggle
in sustaining
a premium life.Change preposition
to sustain
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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the clarity and organization of your ideas. The arguments could be more clearly developed and better supported with specific examples. This will help your essay be more persuasive and easier to follow.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your ideas with relevant examples. This will strengthen your arguments and show a deeper engagement with the topic.
language
Improve the grammatical accuracy. Some sentences are awkward or incorrect, which affects the clarity of your arguments. Pay attention to sentence structure and verb agreement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay. You clearly state your position and summarize your main points.
task achievement
You have responded to the task by addressing both sides of the argument and providing a clear stance.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.