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Band 4.5

Some ome people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?

#ome #people #language #communication #outweigh
It is widely
regconized
Correct your spelling
recognised
 that new
languae
Correct your spelling
language
 should be invented to connect
people
 around the
world
.
While
this
 trend has certain merits ,
ther
Correct your spelling
there
they
 are still outweighed by
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 demerits. Admittedly, the benefits of international
languae
Correct your spelling
language
languages
 will bring
posiotive
Correct your spelling
positive
 changes
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our life.
Firstly
, using
in ternational
Correct your spelling
international
show examples
languae
Correct your spelling
language
 will provide more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 for citizens from different
ethic
Correct your spelling
ethnic
show examples
 groups,
shared
Change the verb form
to share
show examples
 their
culture
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cultural
show examples
 heritage and technological advancements together. Because, if we use the same
languae
Correct your spelling
language
 over the
world
, we won't meet any
languae
Correct your spelling
language
 barriers which
preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
people
out of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 communicating together.
Moreover
,
people
 will gain more job opportunities,
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 we likely don't need any
languae
Correct your spelling
language
certficate
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certificate
certificates
 like IELTS or HSK to apply to international companies, which have high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 or good
employees
Change the noun form
employee
show examples
 benefits.
However
, I would agree that the advantages are outweighed by
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 disadvantages.
Firts
Correct your spelling
First
 of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illiteracy will
uncontrolably
Correct your spelling
uncontrollably
 increase around the
world
, especially
underprivileged
Change preposition
in underprivileged
show examples
 countries. Because
ther
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there
 are numerous
people
cannot
Correct pronoun usage
who cannot
show examples
 access
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they will be the ones left behind in the rapidly developing society.
For instance
, in many
povetry
Correct your spelling
poor
Change to a plural noun
areas
show examples
area
Add a comma
area,
show examples
 there are a lot of
people
, specifically the elderly,
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 don't have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to continue their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
,
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family
finnacal
Correct your spelling
financial
 issues and illness.
Moreover
, creating the new
languae
Correct your spelling
language
 and forcing
evryone
Correct your spelling
everyone
 to use it like their mother
tounge
Correct your spelling
tongue
 will be disapproved by many residents from around the
world
.
Due to
 the important role
national
Change preposition
of national
show examples
languae
Correct your spelling
language
 with the local
people
,
this
 action will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
recived
Correct your spelling
receive
 major unencoraged
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
show examples
. The one clear
Correct quantifier usage
piece of evident
show examples
evident
Replace the word
evidence
show examples
 is that in China,
avoiding
Change the verb form
to avoid
show examples
 the expansion of English, many top universities in
this
 country simultaneously
abolish
Wrong verb form
abolished
show examples
 English
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 out of their educational system. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the drawbacks of inventing
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
languae
Correct your spelling
language
languages
 surpass the benefits.
Due to
 the warning of
illeracy
Correct your spelling
illiteracy
 condition and disapproval from citizens.
Submitted by [email protected] on

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general
Try to proofread your essay and correct spelling mistakes for clarity. For example, 'regconized' should be 'recognized' and 'languae' should be 'language'.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on your examples and explanations to make your arguments more convincing. For instance, give more details about how job opportunities will increase.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use more transition words and linking phrases to create smoother transitions.
language
Work on sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity and correctness. For example, replace 'cause' with 'because' to make the sentence grammatically correct.
general
Incorporate a more varied vocabulary to enhance the quality of your essay and avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'language', use synonyms like 'tongue' or 'dialect'.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses both the benefits and drawbacks of inventing a new international language, showing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and they effectively provide an overview of your main ideas.
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