IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people regard the increasing business and cultural contact between countries as a positive development. Others, however, feel that this will lead to the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #business #contact #countries #development #loss #identities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, international business and cultural
contact
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been quite common
due to
 the convenience brought by the development of airline and internet industries.
However
,
people
 hold different views about its effects. Some
people
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contact
 between nations has positive and far-reaching effects. One main reason is that it can improve individuals' living standards. Take daily food
for example
. Some exotic vegetables and fruits transported by international businesses increase food diversity on dining tables and satisfy citizens' needs for nutritious and balanced diets. At the same time, it will create more jobs for the young in various industries, including packaging, transporting and retailing, which is beneficial to boost their incomes.
In addition
, cultural
contact
 between countries has a positive influence on cultural accumulation. By absorbing the upsides and integrating with foreign
cultures
, it will contribute to the innovation and popularity of local traditional
cultures
.
Nevertheless
, some
people
 think that
this
 trend will give rise to the loss of national identities.
Cultures
 are inextricably bound in the manufactured artefacts. If the relentless advance of international brands into every corner of any country continues, the bland packages might one day completely oust local items, which will lead to a sad disappearance of the manifestation of local
cultures
 and even the loss of national identities.
On the other hand
,
this
 problem is solvable in my view.
For instance
, by limiting the number and type of imported items to some extent, international goods will not entirely replace local ones with cultural values. Personally, the phenomenon has more meaningful effects, improving
people
's lives and innovating
cultures
 as long as governments pay attention to and control the level of
contact
 with other countries.
Submitted by 1378468145 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
The essay would benefit from a more varied use of linking words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the examples used to make them stronger and more specific to the argument being made.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides a clear opinion, demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the issue.
coherence
Logical structure and coherence are well-maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow the writer's line of reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: