IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people regard the increasing business and cultural contact between countries as a positive development. Others, however, feel that this will lead to the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, the effect of frequent business and cultural communication between nations is one of the most debatable topics. Some people argued that these contacts will cause loss of national identities, and others
suggests
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggest
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 that these interactions are positive and can encourage development. It is undeniable that constant cultural
contact
Use synonyms
 between
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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 will result in local
culture
Use synonyms
 being abandoned, as young people are no longer attracted to local
cultures
Use synonyms
. In most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries
Use synonyms
,
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 aged twenty to thirty are more likely to prefer
fashioned
Correct word choice
apply
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foreign
cultures
Use synonyms
 rather than local
cultures
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are considered to be boring.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many positive aspects
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international cultural and economic
contact
Use synonyms
. The increasing number of foreign direct
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
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 will create countless more job opportunities for the local community, which lowers a country’s unemployment rate and
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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 its economy.
In addition
Linking Words
, cultural communication can introduce many different
cultures
Use synonyms
 into the local society, making the society more diverse and inclusive. In my opinion, both ideas are logical. It is true that
spreading
Correct article usage
the spreading
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 of foreign
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 can be considered
as
Use the right word
a
show examples
 cultural invasion.
However
Linking Words
, foreign
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 is not the direct cause of
elimination
Correct article usage
the elimination
show examples
 of local
culture
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
, foreign
culture
Use synonyms
 can revive the local
culture
Use synonyms
 in some ways.
For example
Linking Words
, in some
countries
Use synonyms
, people like to mix local and foreign
culture
Use synonyms
 together to form a hybrid
culture
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can raise people’s awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both local and foreign
culture
Use synonyms
. More importantly,
contact
Use synonyms
 between
countries
Use synonyms
 can strengthen
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diplomatic relations between
countries
Use synonyms
 and
enables
Correct subject-verb agreement
enable
show examples
further
Linking Words
cooperations
Fix the agreement mistake
cooperation
show examples
. In conclusion, both views are sensible.
However
Linking Words
, the positive side of international
contact
Use synonyms
 is more significant than the negative side.

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task response
Make your main idea clear in each paragraph and keep it to one point.
task response
Add more strong examples to back each point.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas fit together (for example, 'first', 'also', 'however', 'in addition').
grammar
Check grammar and spelling; fix errors like subject-verb mismatch.
style
Use shorter, simple sentences when good, and a few longer ones to vary flow.
content
You cover both sides of the view and give your own view.
structure
There is a clear start and end to the essay.
idea
You give ideas related to economy and culture.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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