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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's world,
students
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 have more freedom to keep learning from
schools
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 or get more practical skills and knowledge from work. Some people argue that
students
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 should learn from learning institutions until 18,
while
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 others contend that
students
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 could join physical fields before graduating from senior high
school
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. In my view, I partially agree with the view that
students
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 should stay in
school
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 until they reach the age of 18.
To begin
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 with,
schools
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 can help individuals build up their foundation of knowledge, both mental and physical
education
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.
Additionally
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, these learning institutions could be a role of mentor to keep
students
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 following their learning path.
That is
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 why many governments set up the rules that adults must receive compulsory
education
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 from elementary
school
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 to their senior high years.
For instance
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, in Taiwan, young adults should finish the compulsory
education
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, which means
students
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 need to study until the period of senior high
school
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. The evidence
also
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 shows that people get enough
education
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 until 18 years old, leading to a decreasing number of depression or other mental illnesses in recent years. Sufficient
education
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 shapes individuals to stay healthy in mental and academic performance.
Therefore
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, it is essential to let
students
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 learn from
school
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 until 18.
On the other hand
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, some citizens cannot attend senior high
schools
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 because their living environments do not allow them to learn from
school
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 until 18
such
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 as making a living or taking care of siblings.
However
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, they do not receive sufficient
education
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, they are still independent and mature individuals because they have to learn from outside the
schools
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 quickly to adapt to
this
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 world.
For example
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, one of my classmates was too poor to study
in
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apply
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formal schooling, and he chose to be a labourer to support his family's economic condition. When he was 18, he was still mature, with both inner and outer layers, and a considerable, resilient, and kind person.
Thus
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, whether receiving higher
education
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 or not, human beings can still shape a better life. In conclusion, some people argue that
students
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 should be educated until the age of 18,
while
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 others think that it is vital to make a living
instead
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 of receiving enough
education
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. In
this
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 case, I believe everyone would choose which way is better for them.

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clear comprehensive ideas
You should aim to make your arguments even clearer by expressing ideas more directly and using simpler sentence structures when possible. While your ideas are comprehensive, the clarity can be improved.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that there is a logical progression of ideas between them. Transitional phrases and clear topic sentences can help maintain coherence.
complete response
Your essay provides a well-rounded response to the task, covering multiple perspectives on the issue. This demonstrates a complete response to the prompt.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are both well-crafted, helping to frame the essay and give it a cohesive structure.
relevant specific examples
You use relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens the arguments you make.
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