Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's world,
students
have more freedom to keep learning from schools
or get more practical skills and knowledge from work. Some people argue that students
should learn from learning institutions until 18, while
others contend that students
could join physical fields before graduating from senior high school
. In my view, I partially agree with the view that students
should stay in school
until they reach the age of 18.
To begin
with, schools
can help individuals build up their foundation of knowledge, both mental and physical education
. Additionally
, these learning institutions could be a role of mentor to keep students
following their learning path. That is
why many governments set up the rules that adults must receive compulsory education
from elementary school
to their senior high years. For instance
, in Taiwan, young adults should finish the compulsory education
, which means students
need to study until the period of senior high school
. The evidence also
shows that people get enough education
until 18 years old, leading to a decreasing number of depression or other mental illnesses in recent years. Sufficient education
shapes individuals to stay healthy in mental and academic performance. Therefore
, it is essential to let students
learn from school
until 18.
On the other hand
, some citizens cannot attend senior high schools
because their living environments do not allow them to learn from school
until 18 such
as making a living or taking care of siblings. However
, they do not receive sufficient education
, they are still independent and mature individuals because they have to learn from outside the schools
quickly to adapt to this
world. For example
, one of my classmates was too poor to study in
formal schooling, and he chose to be a labourer to support his family's economic condition. When he was 18, he was still mature, with both inner and outer layers, and a considerable, resilient, and kind person. Change preposition
apply
Thus
, whether receiving higher education
or not, human beings can still shape a better life.
In conclusion, some people argue that students
should be educated until the age of 18, while
others think that it is vital to make a living instead
of receiving enough education
. In this
case, I believe everyone would choose which way is better for them.Submitted by aa0963178783 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
clear comprehensive ideas
You should aim to make your arguments even clearer by expressing ideas more directly and using simpler sentence structures when possible. While your ideas are comprehensive, the clarity can be improved.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that there is a logical progression of ideas between them. Transitional phrases and clear topic sentences can help maintain coherence.
complete response
Your essay provides a well-rounded response to the task, covering multiple perspectives on the issue. This demonstrates a complete response to the prompt.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are both well-crafted, helping to frame the essay and give it a cohesive structure.
relevant specific examples
You use relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens the arguments you make.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!