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Band 7.5

It has become easier and more affordable for people to travel to other coutries. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples from your experience

#people #travel #coutries #development
In recent years, many individuals have found it easier and more affordable to travel to different foreign nations. In my opinion,
this
 is a positive
development
 as it allows
people
 to
visit
 and explore various countries. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the reasons for
this
development
 and provide suitable examples. In today's world, travelling to other countries has become increasingly popular. The primary reason for
this
 change is technological advancements.
Due to
 scientific developments, we have more advanced planes and increased production, which has made flight tickets more affordable and available at very discounted prices.
For example
,
according to
 a study by York University in Canada,
people
 tend to travel more when they get flight tickets at a lower price. Another reason is the growing eagerness of travellers to
visit
 foreign destinations for various reasons. Many
people
 want to explore different cultures and traditions, which might be rare in their home country.
For instance
, citizens from the United States and Canada often
visit
 small villages in countries like India and Africa to experience their unique food and culture.
Moreover
, they seek to observe rare cultural traditions from their ancestors, which they rarely experience at home.
This
 is a positive
development
 as it provides employment opportunities for local residents and boosts the local economy. In conclusion,
due to
 recent technological advancements and cheaper flight tickets, more
people
 can travel and explore various foreign destinations.
Additionally
, travellers are keen to
visit
 different nations for their food and cultural traditions, which I believe is a significant positive
development
 as it provides employment opportunities for local communities.
Submitted by brishjot999 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is very well-organized, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. To push it even further, you might consider adding more transitional phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Your response comprehensively addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples. However, you could delve a bit deeper into potential counterarguments to create a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your opinion and sets the stage for the essay well.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and reinforces your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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