IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

keeping animals in capitivity such as zoos has been popular, even now that they have evolved into ‘animal park ‘ or similar facilities. do you think the adventages outweigh disadvantages ?

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Zoos
Use synonyms
 continue to be controversial, even now that they have evolved into ‘animal parks’ or similar facilities.
This
Linking Words
 issue, I personally believe, would give about more significant disadvantages that I will explain in
this
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 essay. Regarding The drawbacks that
this
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 issue may bring about,
Firstly
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,
zoos
Use synonyms
 are the unnatural way in which
animals
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 live in
such
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 places.
For example
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, captive
animals
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 do not need to hunt or raise offspring, and
this
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 means that they are not living as nature intended.
Furthermore
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,
animals
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 probably suffer mentally when kept in captivity, even if their surroundings are spacious and similar to
the
Change the word
their
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 natural
habitat
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. Symptoms of mental issues range from repetitive behaviour to eating disorders, and these are often seen in captive
animals
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.
Lastly
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, it is often said that
zoos
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 add little to animal conservation, which is better served by preserving their
habitat
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.
Conversely
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, one of the benefits
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
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 is that in most cases they offer a secure and peaceful setting for
animals
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,
for example
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 in
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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 wildlife parks or reserves. It is seen that in many cases, the
animals
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 would suffer from loss of
habitat
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 or poaching in the wild, and in
captivity
Add a comma
captivity,
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 they are at least safe and able to breed successfully.
Finally
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,
zoos
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 and animal parks are part of an integrated system of protecting
animals
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, involving
habitat
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 protection, breeding programmes and disease control.
This
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 all helps to safeguard endangered species and
thus
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 preserve the global ecosystem for the future benefit of all life forms.
Overall
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,
while
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 keeping
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 in
zoos
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 super superficially attractive, I would argue that the lack of measurability is a drawback. It is because
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 suffer mentally of
animals
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 confining
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 its potential benefits

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coherence
Work on improving the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. Some transitions can be enhanced to make the argument more coherent.
task achievement
While main points are generally well-supported, providing more varied and specific examples would strengthen your arguments further.
language usage
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and vocabulary usage to improve clarity and precision.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task by presenting both advantages and disadvantages of keeping animals in captivity.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure to your work.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and well-expressed, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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