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Band 7.5

In today’s world, private companies rather than the government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#today’s #world #companies #government #conduct #research
Nowadays, personal firms
instead
 of the authorities spend on and lead most scientific
research
. Personally, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, today, a majority number of scientific
research
 has been invested in and led by confidential corporations rather than the government.
This
 brings several benefits to society,
such
 as helping the authorities save public funds for other social issues like buying equipment for disabled people, providing accommodations for homeless individuals, bringing up orphans and much more, which contributes to building happy communities full of affection.
Additionally
, profit-marking
companies
 are able to pay a high salary for talented human resources
as well as
 a better working environment for them to develop scientific
research
 the most effectively.
For example
, in my country, Vietnam, private
companies
 always give a prospect salary.
Besides
, provides the most modern equipment to attract talented people .
Thus
, more talented individuals tend to priority to work at personal
companies
.
Consequently
, the great achievements of scientific studies usually belong to personal businesses
On the other hand
,
it is clear that
 private businesses
instead
 of the government allocate funds for and accompany most scientific studies, which causes some disadvantages,
such
 as the higher cost of the productions made from the successes of the scientific
research
 of personal firms because of their financial purposes. To illustrate, in my country, there are many dietary supplements which are good for healthy humans but are more expensive than their value because profit-making
companies
 own their exclusive technology and they go up in prices in aim to earn more money.
Therefore
, only the rich can use it.
As a result
,
this
 will lead to people's limited experience because of purpose income.
Moreover
, it contributes to increasing the gap in society.
Submitted by writingeilts on

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cohesion
Try to refine the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs to make transitions smoother. Using cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore', 'However', and 'Therefore' can help link ideas better.
grammar
Be more precise with word choice and grammar to ensure clarity. For example, replace 'confidential corporations' with 'private companies' to avoid confusion.
conclusion
Elaborate on the conclusion to ensure that it clearly summarizes your position and the main points discussed.
examples
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This helps to strengthen your arguments and makes your essay more convincing.
introduction
The essay begins with a clear introduction that states your position on the topic, which helps in framing your discussion.
task response
The idea of private companies saving public funds for other social issues is a strong and relevant point, illustrating good task response.
examples
Your essay includes specific examples, such as those related to Vietnam and dietary supplements. These examples help support your arguments and provide context.
logical structure
The essay is mostly logical in its structure and ideas follow a clear progression.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • groundbreaking technologies
  • efficiently allocate resources
  • innovative projects
  • strict timelines
  • profit motives
  • basic research
  • commercial application
  • corporate funding
  • biases in research
  • unbiased exploration
  • balanced exploration
  • public sector
  • private sector
  • synergy
  • comprehensive outcomes
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