IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

#people #success #career #education
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Research has shown that a lot of people try to be successful in their work or studies.
However
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, every human sees the concept of
success
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 differently. For some of them
success
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 is the excellent grades you get or the good salary, and for others is how much
knowledge
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 they have taken or how high a job position they have. To start with, those who support having high grades
at the end
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 of every school year or a high income, are those who focus on the impact of
success
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 in the world.
This
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 I mean is that they want to seem successful and to show it.
For example
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, some humans try to get a job position with a good salary without thinking about being a better professional because they believe that in
this
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 way they will seem successful. Of course,
this
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 is a point of view of
success
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 but I think that they are addicted to image and not really successful.
On the other hand
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, there are those who want to get more and more information about their sector just to achieve
success
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. They believe that
success
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 is continual efforts to be the best version of themselves. They do not care about showing their
success
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 with high grades or salaries but being ready to use their
knowledge
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 when it is needed.
For instance
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, some people want to be lifelong students with the meaning of continual studies that will be added to their work schedule.
Thus
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, they assume that will become the best.
To conclude
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, I am of the opinion that
success
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 should be focused on
knowledge
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 and not on the image.
Consequently
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, in
this
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 way, people will be successful with the necessary
knowledge
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 and
also
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 will have a better image without any special efforts. I believe that those will be the most successful population in the world.
Submitted by sssssraf on

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coherence
To improve clarity, ensure that each paragraph clearly elaborates on a single idea. There are instances where the ideas seem blended, making it harder to follow the main point.
task response
While the essay addresses the task, adding more specific examples and elaborating on them would strengthen the argument and make it more convincing.
task response
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, "This I mean is that..." could be rephrased for better clarity as "What I mean by this is..."
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly state the main idea and personal viewpoint.
task response
The essay provides a balanced discussion of the different perspectives on what success means to different people.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
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