IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people state arts courses such painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students .To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #arts #courses #school #students
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It is thought by a selection of individuals that a subject like
art
Use synonyms
 which is about painting and drawing has to be out of the required
subjects
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 in high school learners. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion and my supporting reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion. At the outset, there are several benefits that
art
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 courses will bring to students and one of the most significant is that they can apply and adapt it in their lives. To elaborate
further
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, children can use creativity obtained by an
art
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 subject in main
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as Mathematics.
Moreover
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, teenagers can do artwork to earn a living and
therefore
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 they will be able to indulge themselves by purchasing their own stuff. An apt illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is that my 16-year-old cousin told me that he had learnt how to fold papers into shapes,
for example
Linking Words
, rectangular, triangle and circle and it had made him understand about the ratio and proportion in Mathematics classes.
In addition
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, when he has free time, he always folds papers into a variety of shapes and sells them to his relatives;
consequently
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, uses
this
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 money to
by
Correct your spelling
buy
show examples
 snacks.
Additionally
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, another clear upside for students is the stage of wellness. To explain in greater detail, painting and drawing can be considered as the outlets of stress caused by compulsory courses, maintaining their mental health.
Furthermore
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, arts can significantly improve physical health, especially, the coordination between the eyes and hands of teenagers. To specifically demonstrate, my youngest brother always gets stressed and depressed from his classes and
hence
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 when he comes back home, he regularly paints and draws something like scenic views or perspective pictures to reduce tension and relieve his stress.
As a result
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, I can see that when it comes to something that needs
the
Correct article usage
apply
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collaboration between eyes and hands,
for instance
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, chopping vegetables, typing a keyboard, etc, his reaction is quite improved. All in all, it is undeniable that adding
art
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subjects
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 into compulsory courses in high schools can offer students
with
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apply
show examples
benefits.
However
Linking Words
, from my point of view, I disagree with
this
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 matter as
art
Use synonyms
 is an essential thing to teenagers because they can apply it to other
subjects
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as well as
Linking Words
 making money.
Likewise
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, it is a great way to promote their well-being, reduce stress and enhance the collaboration of organs.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and expands on it with relevant details. Sometimes the transitions between ideas are slightly abrupt; smoothing these out will enhance the readability.
task response
Although the response is comprehensive, try to ensure that each example directly supports the main point of the paragraph. For instance, linking the mathematical relevance of folding paper is good, but could be tighter in connection to the stress-relief aspect of art.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's opinion and outlines what the essay will cover.
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples to support the claims made, which helps illustrate the points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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