TOPIC 2: SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SOME STUDENTS SPEND A GAP YEAR DOING VOLUNTARY WORK OR PURSUING THEIR OWN INTERESTS BEFORE STARTING UNIVERSITY LIFE. DO U AGREE OR DISAGREE?
From a traditional point of view, going to university immediately after graduating
highschool
was a common option. Correct your spelling
high school
However
, nowadays it is widely accepted that having a gap year
before going to higher education is beneficial for various reasons, and I strongly agree with this
idea.
To begin
with, a gap year
can help individuals to find their ultimate purpose of
Change preposition
in
life
. As a teenager, students usually have been
Verb problem
apply
focused
on achieving their academic Wrong verb form
focus
performances
in school, which Fix the agreement mistake
performance
did
not leave any time to think about what they should Wrong verb form
does
be in
Verb problem
apply
pursuit
Replace the word
pursue
otherwise
. By travelling
or doing Change preposition
Travelling
part time
jobs can open up opportunities to think Add a hyphen
part-time
what
they want to do in the future. One of my friends in Japan, Change preposition
about what
for instance
, went to the
Africa at Correct article usage
apply
her
age of 19, to Change the word
the
joining
medical Wrong verb form
join
voluntary
programs. Correct word choice
apply
From
a week of Change preposition
After
experience
, she made up her mind to major in biology and prepare for medical school to become a doctor. After 6 years, she was able to get into the medical school. Consequently
, this
demonstrates how new experience
in their critical age could affect the rest of their Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
life
in a positive way by helping them to explore the ways for self-development.
Furthermore
, students can encounter various people
by doing voluntary work or part time
jobs, which they have not had Add a hyphen
part-time
chance
to face before. In the classroom, it is more likely to get Add an article
a chance
the chance
along with
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
of their
same age. Change the word
the
However
, from the work or day care
Correct your spelling
daycare
center
, it is more common to meet Change the spelling
centre
people
from diverse backgrounds and ages. From my personal experience
, when I was 20 years old, I used to go to the local day care
Correct your spelling
daycare
center
for seniors every Monday as a volunteer. Elderly Change the spelling
centre
people
told me lots of enchanting anecdotes those
related to their Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
experiences, which helped me becoming
more open-minded. Change the form of the verb
become
As a result
, my volunteer experience
opened up a new point of view for seeing the world.
To conclude
, for some people
it is apparent that going to university right after graduating highschool
is more of an average option. Correct your spelling
high school
However
, as a gap year
can give us an original viewpoint and help us to find the core values of life
, I strongly assert that one should have a chance to experience
a year
off before going to university.Submitted by JE
on
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coherence cohesion
You should aim to make your arguments a bit clearer and more structured. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are awkwardly phrased or contain grammatical errors. Proofreading and refining these can increase clarity.
task achievement
Adding some more varied sentence structures and vocabulary will help make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Try to elaborate a bit more on how each point directly supports your argument for taking a gap year.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both strong and provide a clear frame for your essay.
task achievement
You've included relevant and specific examples that support your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have stayed on topic throughout the essay and responded fully to the prompt.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?