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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#cities #people’s #health
It is a common belief that all big enterprises should donate sports and social facilities to the local community. In my perspective, I agree with the statement.
Firstly
, providing social welfare will help them to strengthen the communal bond. One could argue that contributions to society from private companies should be opposed because providing vital supplies,
such
 as healthcare, education, and infrastructure, is fundamentally the
government
's responsibility. Relying on corporations for these essential services can lead to unequal access and a focus on profit over public well-being.
For example
, a pharmaceutical company might prioritize developing drugs that generate higher profits rather than addressing urgent public health needs.
Moreover
, when companies step in to fill gaps, it can diminish the
government
's accountability and commitment to its citizens. On that account,
this
 will promote their positive image. People will look at that companies are not only very successful but
also
 generously take care of those they enrich. The more usually the residents use their providers, the more familiar they are with their logo.
However
, some people oppose the contributions to society and claim that providing vital supplies is the
government
's concern. The taxes have already taken their role. But if we can give just 10% of what we receive from our customers, it will not matter. Ensuring that the
government
 manages these vital supplies helps promote equity, transparency, and a focus on the common good.
To conclude
, social donating or not is an arbitrary choice. I think being able to help the community grow is a great thing.
Submitted by huyentrang712 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion, which is a good start. However, ensure that each main point is clearly distinctive and well supported throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate the points you are making. This makes your argument more persuasive and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of the essay could be better structured to ensure a smooth flow of ideas. For example, the structure of the argument regarding the role of the government versus private companies could be more logically organized.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly related to the essay question. Summarize the main points in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You address a counter-argument in your essay, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The overall essay is coherent, with a logical progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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