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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for lesuire activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #lesuire #activities #situation
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In
this
 fast-paced world, many people have almost no life for relaxing or outdoor activities
due to
 their extensive labour hours.
This
 lifestyle has several adverse impacts on their life than benefits.
To begin
 with, long hours of work can make anyone sick.
This
 is because, most jobs, whether blue or white-collar, require a high level of attention and physical power, which can be exhausting for the human body. In order to revive their strength and maintain good health, individuals need time off or engage in leisure activities, which they fail to do so.
Moreover
,
this
 lifestyle can
also
 cause problems within families.
Due to
 their job commitments, folk may have fewer days to interact with their families, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts between them.
For example
, in the USA over fifty percent of divorces occur
due to
 lack of quality space spent together.
On the other hand
, investing a significant amount of time into work can help people achieve a comfortable life.
This
 is because, nowadays, people can earn a substantial amount of money by working extra shifts, which can ultimately lead them to great wealth and success in their field.
This
 additional income can help them fulfil their daily needs
as well as
 the expensive lifestyle
such
 as owning a big house, a car, etcetera.
For example
, a construction worker can easily make an extra buck by working long hours. In conclusion, pursuing success through extensive work can have detrimental effects on one's family, leading me to believe that the cost of
such
 success is not worth it
Submitted by gurisidhu95214 on

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Task Achievement
Try to develop a balanced view by exploring both sides of the argument evenly, especially when the question asks for advantages and disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and help improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Integrating a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic can enrich your argument and make your points more compelling.
Introduction/Conclusion
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively outlined your main arguments.
Logical Structure
Your essay has a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the question.
Supported Main Points
You provided specific examples to support your points, helping to illustrate your arguments more clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lesuire activities
  • Work-life balance
  • Career progression
  • Economic productivity
  • Workaholic
  • Physical health
  • Mental health issues
  • Productivity
  • Work-life imbalance
  • Stress levels
  • Burnout
  • Community involvement
  • Healthcare costs
  • Time management
  • Flexible working hours
  • Quality of life
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