IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#internet #matter #hand #people #socialise #statements
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The
internet
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in our lives, offering both advantages and drawbacks when it comes to social interaction. On one hand, it keeps us connected regardless of distance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can
also
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 lead to social isolation.
Firstly
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, the
internet
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 allows people to stay in touch with family and friends worldwide through social media, video calls, and instant messaging.
For example
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, platforms like Facebook and WhatsApp enable users to share updates, photos, and messages instantly, fostering a sense of closeness even when physically apart.
This
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 is particularly beneficial for those with family members living in different countries or friends who have moved away.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 I was an exchange student in The United States for 10 months and thanks to
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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, my life became easier. It helped me to communicate with my friends and family from my home country.
However
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, the
internet
Use synonyms
 can
also
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 encourage devolution.Many people spend hours online, browsing social media or playing games, which can reduce face-to-face interactions.
For instance
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, a person might
staying
Change the verb form
stay
be staying
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 indoors increasingly
has been
Wrong verb form
be
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condidered
Correct your spelling
considered
 as an
appeality
Correct your spelling
appealing
appeal
 alternative rather than hanging outside with peers.
As a result
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,
this
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 lack of social
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 interaction.
In addition
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, some feelings,
emotions
Correct word choice
and emotions
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 can only conveyed sufficiently
while
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 having real connections. To
eloborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
this
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 issue think of a
proposel
Correct your spelling
proposal
 of marriage.
That is
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 there are some
sentinants
Correct your spelling
sentiments
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 only be carried out through
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real contact. In conclusion, the
internet
Use synonyms
 has a dual impact on socialization.
While
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 it keeps us connected across distances, it can
also
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 lead to less physical social interaction. Balancing online activities with real-life interactions is key to maintaining healthy social relationships.
Submitted by nehirgeyik on

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task response
To achieve a higher score in Task Response, make sure to elaborate more on how the internet can also lead to social isolation. While examples were present, they could be further developed with additional details or scenarios to make the argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that ideas are fully explained, and sentences are complete to avoid misinterpretation. For example, the sentence 'For instance, a person might staying indoors increasingly has been considered as an appealing alternative rather than hanging outside with peers,' is somewhat unclear and could be refined for better understanding.
coherence cohesion
Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and refining sentence structures would enhance clarity. For example, 'To elaborate this issue think of a proposal of marriage,' could be improved for better readability.
task response
The essay effectively covers both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view on how the internet impacts social interaction.
task response
Relevant personal examples, such as the experience as an exchange student, add authenticity to the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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