IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You have borrowed something from your friend and it has got damaged. Write a letter to your friend. -apologize for damaging the product / stuff -explain what happened -say how are you going to fix the issue

#friend #-apologize #product #stuff #-explain #-say
Dear friend, I hope you are doing well. I am writing to tell you about
a
Correct article usage
the
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 bad news that the
laptop
 which you lent to me has some problems.
Firstly
,I do apologize that
i
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I
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 was not handling the
laptop
 properly. Accidently, when
i
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I
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 was drinking coffee, it spilled over the
laptop
. Afterwards, the display of the
laptop
 is not functioning properly. I tried fixing
from
Correct pronoun usage
it from
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 my end but it is still not recovering. So I have taken
this
laptop
 to the nearest service
center
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centre
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. They
recommanded
Correct your spelling
recommended
to
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apply
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completely
replace
Wrong verb form
replacing
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 the screen with
new
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a new
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 one. They are ready to offer
post
Correct your spelling
a
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 replacement warranty. So
i
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I
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 have agreed with them and provided the
laptop
 for replacement. They will fix the problem by
this
sunday
Change the capitalization
Sunday
show examples
. I look forward to hearing from you. Best wishes, Dinesh
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
Consider being more specific in the introduction, and clearly state the main purpose of your letter straight away. This helps the reader understand the context better.
coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, ensure each paragraph focuses fully on a single idea by adding some more details to each section. For instance, you could elaborate on why you needed the laptop and how you plan to prevent such incidents in the future.
coherence cohesion
Reviewing and possibly expanding on the sequence of actions taken to address the damage can make the explanation even clearer and more cohesive.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is appropriate and polite, showing respect and responsibility towards the friend.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the letter is good, with a clear progression from the apology to the explanation and then the solution.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph focuses on a single idea, making the letter easy to follow and understand.
coherence cohesion
The greetings and closing of the letter are suitably friendly and appropriate for the context.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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