Experts say if the old people spend time and get along with others and excercise everyday will be healthier and happier .However many ealderly are suffering from lonelyness and lack of fitness. Discuss the cause and solution

The well-being of elder people is now gaining more attention from the crowd, especially when the population is ageing at a faster pace. Recently, some professionals have argued that social engagements and physical exercises could enhance their health and happiness. Even so, a larger portion of old ones are still living alone and do not have enough exercise. In
this
essay, we review two major factors, the lack of attention from the younger generation and insufficient investment from governments which cause the discussed problems, and
then
suggest potential solutions. Many researches have proven that the mental health of elders heavily relies on the care of relatives and their family members.
However
,
due to
the development of the economy, youngsters do not have enough time to spend with their parents or grandparents.
For example
, when children grow up, they tend to live far away from their families and eventually, there are few chances for all family members
to sum up
and bond. Eventually, older ones are left behind
while
youths are chasing their careers.
On the other hand
, there is a shortage in the infrastructure for aged groups. In fact,
although
their physical competence requires special types of equipment, the common designs are meant for all groups.
For instance
, the treadmills normally do not support folks with slow movement.
As a result
, they hesitate to do physical fitness on a daily basis. No doubt that the mentioned social issue is challenging, we still have options to resolve it.
Firstly
, we should raise awareness about the loneliness that our previous generation is coping with. To give a clear example, by just asking ourselves when was the
last
time we called our parents, we will have the best solution for that problem.
Secondly
, we should invest in new initiatives that facilitate elderly people. The weaker physical capabilities should be taken into account in all designs and implementations. Living in a family that has many old members helps me to have a better understanding of how hard it is when someone spends the
last
part of their life without others. After all, it is possible to eliminate those obstacles and
then
the younger generation could provide older ones better lives.
Submitted by dinhthong1902 on

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task response
Ensure the essay directly addresses all parts of the task by discussing causes and solutions in a balanced manner. Some areas could use more depth, especially in providing specific examples for the solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that every paragraph flows logically from one to the next to improve the overall structure.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the variety of cohesive devices used to link sentences and ideas across paragraphs; this can enhance the flow and coherence.
task response
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points, which will strengthen your arguments and increase your score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and sets up the essay well.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph covers distinct points, making it easy to follow the arguments.
task response
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas on the causes and potential solutions for the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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