IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many believe that it is important to protect all wild animals, while others think that it is important to protect some, not all of them. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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There is a debate over what kind of
animals
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 should be protected as essential, with some saying all wild
animals
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 ought to be protected and others arguing that not all of them; it is enough to protect some. In my opinion, all wild
animals
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 should be protected, and we ought to not let them become extinct. We are living in the modern world, and many species of
animals
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 have coexisted with
humans
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 for centuries. As the world developed various
animals
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 became extinct, and the relatives of present-day
animals
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 became extinct in the 18th and 19th centuries, and they were killed by poachers for their skins or other body parts. If I were to give some examples: some
animals
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 had killed their meat
Linking Words
however
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, however
show examples
,
while
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 bears and deer were killed in many cases for their skins. For these reasons, the population of
animals
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 has diminished compared to previous centuries. In order to avoid
this
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 situation in the future, we must protect them.
Animals
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 in the world are divided into two types, wild
animals
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 and the second domestic
animals
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. Both types have beneficial aspects for
humans
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 and
nature
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. If I were to emphasize their advantages; Wild
animals
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 play a crucial role in the ecosystem. They help preserve the balance of
nature
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 by controlling the number of plants and other
animals
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, especially predators in forests and deserts. Pets provide emotional support to
humans
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, reduce loneliness, and bring emotional comfort. They offer companionship and friendship to people, which is why they become an essential part of many people's lives. In conclusion,
animals
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 play important roles in maintaining the balance of
nature
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 and supporting human well-being. Regardless of their type, it is crucial that we protect all
animals
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 to preserve biodiversity and ensure a harmonious coexistence between
humans
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 and
nature
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents both views, but it could be more clearly structured. Consider clearly stating the two perspectives separately before offering your opinion.
task achievement
In your arguments, try to avoid ambiguity in your examples. For instance, clarify the distinction between which animals should be protected and provide more concrete examples related to your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and logical progression. Use topic sentences to guide the reader and enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, summarizing your main points more concisely may enhance the overall clarity of your argument. Reinforce your stance more directly.
task achievement
You effectively highlighted the importance of wild animals in maintaining ecosystem balance.
task achievement
Your writing shows a good understanding of the roles of both wild and domestic animals, which enriches the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is structured with clear paragraphs, making it easy for the reader to follow the main ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • natural habitats
  • ecological balance
  • biodiversity
  • confinement
  • natural stimuli
  • psychological problems
  • genetic homogeneity
  • environmental changes
  • adapt and evolve
  • survival of the fittest
  • social structures
  • communication patterns
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