Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

There are
people
that
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who that
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complain
the
Correct article usage
apply
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families
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
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are not close to each other if
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
with the past. One possible reason is the advancement of technology that
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
individualism amongst society
while
it might be a
benefit
for
people
with toxic
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
, it could be a drawback because it could affect our social
ability
. I wholeheartedly
siding
Wrong verb form
side
show examples
with the disadvantages of
this
trend that outweigh the advantages. The possible reason
of
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for
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the trend is the advancement of technology that makes individualism in society increase. Parents still work through their
phone
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phones
show examples
after work and they do not have enough time for their
children
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
unhealthy communication
distance
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distances
show examples
parents
with
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from
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their
son
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sons
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or
daughter
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daughters
show examples
. One
benefit
of
this
trend is
people
with toxic
family
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families
show examples
have time to
get
Verb problem
apply
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heal and clear their
mind
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minds
show examples
. There are
circumtances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
that make parents
being
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apply
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toxic to their
children
,
for example
, they are abusive and threaten their child,
thus
,
with
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apply
show examples
the distance
it
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apply
show examples
could help other
member
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members
show examples
relieve for a second.
However
, in an ideal family, each member
have
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has
show examples
different roles and the distance makes
human
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humans
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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unable to obtain the
benefit
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benefits
show examples
.
Additionally
, these roles develop
human
Add an article
the human
a human
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ability
to interact with
people
and how they should communicate,
however
, losing one of them might decrease
these
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this ability
these abilities
show examples
ability
. Confidence,
for example
, is important and
this
ability
is developed through a relationship between
family's
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family
show examples
member
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members
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where they can feel safe to express their feeling.
Therefore
, without
the
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apply
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closeness,
a child
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children
show examples
are not fully developing certain aspects
for
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of
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their lives.
To conclude
, the bounding between family is important because it affects
children
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children's
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ability
to socialize and their relation
between
Change preposition
with
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other human beings.
While
it might be
benefit
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beneficial
show examples
for
children
from toxic family
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
, the drawbacks still outweigh the benefits.
Thus
, I agree that
people
should have a good
relation
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relationship
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with their
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
families
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure your main points are clear and directly related to the essay prompt. Sometimes the ideas are a bit vague or not fully explained.
relevant specific examples
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help make your essay more compelling and grounded.
complete response
While your essay addresses the task effectively, make sure to fully explain how the advantages and disadvantages impact families overall. Right now, some points feel incomplete.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are effective and clearly frame your argument.
logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for each main point.
supported main points
You made a clear effort to balance discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Social media
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Geographical mobility
  • Generational differences
  • Individual independence
  • Personal growth
  • Mental health
  • Well-being
  • Family bonds
  • Cultural traditions
  • Familial support systems
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