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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should not be given homework everyday, while others believe that they must get homework everyday in order to be successful at school. Discuss both sides and give your opinon.

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It's recently been urged that people believe
students
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 should not be given
work
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 every
day
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,
while
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 others suggest that they must get
homework
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 every
day
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 in order to be
fruitful
Correct word choice
successful
show examples
 at
school
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. I firmly agree with the latter statement , and I will discuss both sides throughout
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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,
Homework
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 is a task that children are given by teachers.Teachers give
homework
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 every
day
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 because they believe it assists
students
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 and keeps them updated about each lesson. Some people believe in
this
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 in order to be successful at
school
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.
Moreover
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,
homework
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 keeps children distracted and more focused at
school
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, which keeps their minds fresh and ready to gain more knowledge.
For instance
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, my elementary
school
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 did an experiment in which they gave class A daily
homework
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 and class B
wasn'tt
Correct your spelling
wasn't
 given any, to test who would solve questions about each lesson. At the very end, class A won because they were kept updated about each lesson and didn't forget
due to
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 homeworks they were given.
However
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, other individuals believe that
homework
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 shouldn't be given every
day
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,
due to
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 the stress
students
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 would be going through.
For example
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, if each tutor gives daily
homework
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 on each subject ,
students
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 would get furious and
wouldn'tt
Correct your spelling
wouldn't
 get any
work
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 done.
Furthermore
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,
students
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 would not learn anything.
However
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, if
work
Use synonyms
 was divided and given in order,
such
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 as Sunday is a
day
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 full of
homework
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, and Monday is a
day
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 without
homework
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,
students
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 would have time to get their
work
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 done and study more. I believe
this
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 step is more beneficial for
students
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.
To conclude
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,
homework
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 is essential for children, but
students
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 shouldn't be rushed; they should be kept comfortable and relaxed.

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task response
State both sides in a more equal way before you give your opinion.
task response
Explain your main ideas more clearly with one more reason for each side.
task response
Your opinion changes a little in the end. Keep one clear view from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or repeat the same idea. Break them into shorter parts.
task response
You answer both sides of the question.
task response
You give a real example about two classes, and it helps your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear link words like firstly, moreover, however, and to conclude.
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