The violence portrayed on T.V and in the movies leads to an increase in crime in our society. People who watch violent movies are more likely to become criminals. Do you agree or disagree?
There is no doubt that the increasing number of
crimes
can be considered as the result of violence in TVshows
and movies. I suggest that consumers of Correct your spelling
TV shows
such
violent content have higher
possibility to Correct article usage
a higher
commite
Correct your spelling
commit
crimes
.
To begin
with, the habbits
of observing prohibited activities on Correct your spelling
habit
TV
may lead to the desire of repeating
, increasing Change preposition
to repeat
level
of crime. Correct article usage
the level
This
is because,
the natural resistance in minds not to make people suffer could be vanished by the effect of frequently watching violence on Remove the comma
apply
TV
. For instance
, there are many cases, where individuals after overloading their minds by watching TV
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
conciousness
and shooted people in public spaces. Alternatively, if the criminals had not observed the Correct your spelling
consciousness
TV
content with weapons' usage they would never have known how guns could be used.
In addition
, the
Correct article usage
apply
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
crimes
in movies shows
Change the verb form
show
to
spectaculars the short way to becoming rich, working as a role model for individuals who want easy money. In Change preposition
apply
a
light of watching Remove the article
apply
luxury
life of some criminals in movies, Correct article usage
the luxury
crimes
such
as stealing cars or robbery could be a
attractive Change the article
an
sourse
of income for teenagers. Correct your spelling
source
In contrast
, people not watching cases of taking by some criminals other
tangibles on Correct word choice
or other
TV
, do
not aware Verb problem
are
about
Change preposition
of
illigal
methods Correct your spelling
illegal
earning
money.
In conclusion, I suggest that pictures of Change preposition
of earning
violation
of rights on electronic devices form Fix the agreement mistake
violations
positive
attitude Add an article
a positive
to
Change preposition
toward
such
acts in consciousness. Moreover
, some viewers may believe in the light aproach
of getting money from Correct your spelling
approach
crimes
.Submitted by sergeybelov83 on
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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points with clear and varied examples. This will provide a more complete response to the task and make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are fully developed and clear. For instance, when you mentioned that individuals might learn how to use guns from TV, provide a more detailed explanation or a case study to support your claim.
task achievement
Focus on the clarity and specificity of your examples. Vague examples may weaken your argument. More detailed, real-world examples will enhance the reliability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph should build on the previous one, leading the reader through your argument step by step.
coherence cohesion
Link your sentences and paragraphs with a variety of cohesive devices but ensure they are used naturally. This will help in creating a smoother flow and better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization helps in better presentation of your arguments.
task achievement
You have introduced an interesting viewpoint and provided relevant points to support your arguments. This showcases your engagement with the topic.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.