IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many schools these days have problems with poor student behavior. Why do you think these problems occur? What could be done to tackle these problems.

#schools #student #behavior
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These days, many schools have problems with poor student behaviour.
However
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, not many schools are facing
with
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apply
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the
problem
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 of bad behaviour.
This
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 essay will look at the core reasons for
this
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 and propose some solid solutions. One of the main causes of the
problem
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 is that
parents
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 can not explain to their kids how to act in educational places. By
this
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 I mean
parents
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 allow them everything.
For example
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, a family go to the mall and the
kid
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 sees the toy which he/she wants and starts to ask his/her
parents
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 to buy it, after the
parents
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declined
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decline
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 the proposal
child
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 starts behaving badly. The solution for
this
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 cause is to speak with your
child
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 and try to explain something or if he/she does not understand scold him/her. Another
problem
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 is that kids can have trouble with health.
That is
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 to say, sometimes we are facing diseases
such
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 as ADHD. ADHD is when your
child
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 is hyperactive. To tackle
this
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 issue, you need to get an appointment with the doctor. A third cause of the
problem
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 is when you have only one parent mom or dad. To be more precise, the
kid
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maybe
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may
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 have lost one of
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parents
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their parents
his parents
her parents
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 or both. The way forward could be to take care of
this
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kid
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 and bring up him/her.
In other words
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, adopt
this
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kid
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.
To sum up
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, many schools are facing
this
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 issue,
due to
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 reasons
such
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 as
parents
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 cannot educate their
child
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 well, troubles with health and absence of parent or
parents
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.
This
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 is a serious
problem
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, and unless you won’t go to the doctor or show a
kid
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 that has a good upbringing, the
problem
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 won’t be solved.
Submitted by vladkruglovfencer on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of identifying key causes of poor student behavior and suggesting solutions. However, some ideas could be developed more thoroughly. For example, you mentioned health issues like ADHD but did not delve deeply into how schools or parents can manage these conditions effectively.
task achievement
There are some inconsistencies and grammatical errors, which affect the clarity of your ideas. Review your essay for grammatical errors and sentence structure. For instance, instead of 'parents can not explain to their kids,' you could say 'parents may fail to teach their children.'
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally follows a logical structure, but it could benefit from better transitions between points. This would help in making the flow of the essay smoother.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and there is no overlap between points. For instance, the paragraph about ADHD could be more focused on the solutions rather than mentioning it briefly.
task achievement
The essay identifies multiple causes of poor student behavior and suggests various solutions, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the seriousness of the issue and the importance of addressing it.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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