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Writing Samples
Band 7

In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by the young in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest?

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In contemporary society, there has been a notable escalation in juvenile delinquency over the past two decades, particularly in urban environments. Multiple factors contribute to
this
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 alarming trend, and various effective solutions can be implemented to mitigate the issue.
This
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 essay aims to elucidate these causes and propose feasible remedies. A predominant factor contributing to the rise in criminal activities among youth is the pervasive engagement with violent video
games
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.
Such
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 interactive media often depict graphic violence and aggressive
behaviuor
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behaviour
, which can desensitize
children
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 to real-world consequences. Research has shown that exposure to violent gaming can lead to increased aggression and diminished empathy, thereby inadvertently normalizing criminal
behaviuor
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behaviour
. Another significant cause of
this
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 phenomenon is the increasing demands on
parents
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'
time
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due to
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 economic pressures. Many families are grappling with financial instability, resulting in
parents
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 being preoccupied with work and unable to dedicate sufficient
time
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 to monitor their
children
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's activities. A report from the London Journal indicates that in numerous cases of juvenile crime, at least one parent is often absent, highlighting the lack of parental supervision.
Conversely
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, there are several potential solutions to address the rise in youth crime.
Firstly
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, psychologists advocate for regulating the amount of
time
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children
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 devote to electronic devices, suggesting a limit of no more than two hours of screen
time
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 daily.
Additionally
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, it is imperative that video
games
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 be subject to stricter content regulation by national authorities, ensuring that
games
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 with violent content are not accessible to minors.
This
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 proactive approach could significantly reduce exposure to detrimental influences.
Furthermore
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, it is essential for
parents
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 to prioritize spending quality
time
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 with their
children
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, engaging them in constructive activities
such
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 as sports, arts, and community service, which can foster collaborative skills and positive social
behaviuor
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behaviour
. In conclusion, the increasing incidence of crimes perpetrated by young individuals is attributable to factors
such
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 as the influence of violent video
games
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 and the busy lifestyles of
parents
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.
Nevertheless
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, if strategic measures are enacted by both the government and the community,
such
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 as effective regulation of media exposure and enhanced parental involvement, it is possible to significantly curtail the prevalence of juvenile crime, thereby contributing to safer urban environments.

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task achievement
Your essay is comprehensive and covers the main points of the task effectively. To enhance it further, consider incorporating additional examples or statistics. For instance, providing more specific studies on the impact of violent video games could add depth.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, try to maintain a seamless flow between paragraphs. Transition phrases such as 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' or 'consequently' can make your argument more cohesive.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, summarizing the main points clearly and effectively. This helps in framing the essay well.
supported main points
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, with relevant and specific examples that are well-supported. This strengthens the overall response to the task.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is impressive, and the paragraphs transition well. This aids in maintaining reader engagement and understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Breakdown of family structures
  • Peer pressure
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Exposure to violence
  • Lack of recreational facilities
  • Mental health issues
  • Substance abuse
  • Weak law enforcement
  • Single-parent families
  • Parental supervision
  • Illegal activities
  • Social acceptance
  • Poverty
  • Unemployment
  • Lack of education
  • Violent neighborhoods
  • Violent media
  • Recreational options
  • Idle time
  • Impulsive behaviors
  • Aggressive behaviors
  • Insufficient policing
  • Legal consequences
  • Deter
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