IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by the young in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest?

#years #rise #crimes #cities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In contemporary society, there has been a notable escalation in juvenile delinquency over the past two decades, particularly in urban environments. Multiple factors contribute to
this
Linking Words
 alarming trend, and various effective solutions can be implemented to mitigate the issue.
This
Linking Words
 essay aims to elucidate these causes and propose feasible remedies. A predominant factor contributing to the rise in criminal activities among youth is the pervasive engagement with violent video
games
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 interactive media often depict graphic violence and aggressive
behaviuor
Correct your spelling
behaviour
, which can desensitize
children
Use synonyms
 to real-world consequences. Research has shown that exposure to violent gaming can lead to increased aggression and diminished empathy, thereby inadvertently normalizing criminal
behaviuor
Correct your spelling
behaviour
. Another significant cause of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is the increasing demands on
parents
Use synonyms
'
time
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 economic pressures. Many families are grappling with financial instability, resulting in
parents
Use synonyms
 being preoccupied with work and unable to dedicate sufficient
time
Use synonyms
 to monitor their
children
Use synonyms
's activities. A report from the London Journal indicates that in numerous cases of juvenile crime, at least one parent is often absent, highlighting the lack of parental supervision.
Conversely
Linking Words
, there are several potential solutions to address the rise in youth crime.
Firstly
Linking Words
, psychologists advocate for regulating the amount of
time
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 devote to electronic devices, suggesting a limit of no more than two hours of screen
time
Use synonyms
 daily.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is imperative that video
games
Use synonyms
 be subject to stricter content regulation by national authorities, ensuring that
games
Use synonyms
 with violent content are not accessible to minors.
This
Linking Words
 proactive approach could significantly reduce exposure to detrimental influences.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is essential for
parents
Use synonyms
 to prioritize spending quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
Use synonyms
, engaging them in constructive activities
such
Linking Words
 as sports, arts, and community service, which can foster collaborative skills and positive social
behaviuor
Correct your spelling
behaviour
. In conclusion, the increasing incidence of crimes perpetrated by young individuals is attributable to factors
such
Linking Words
 as the influence of violent video
games
Use synonyms
 and the busy lifestyles of
parents
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, if strategic measures are enacted by both the government and the community,
such
Linking Words
 as effective regulation of media exposure and enhanced parental involvement, it is possible to significantly curtail the prevalence of juvenile crime, thereby contributing to safer urban environments.
Submitted by aisha_zain on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay is comprehensive and covers the main points of the task effectively. To enhance it further, consider incorporating additional examples or statistics. For instance, providing more specific studies on the impact of violent video games could add depth.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, try to maintain a seamless flow between paragraphs. Transition phrases such as 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' or 'consequently' can make your argument more cohesive.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, summarizing the main points clearly and effectively. This helps in framing the essay well.
supported main points
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, with relevant and specific examples that are well-supported. This strengthens the overall response to the task.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is impressive, and the paragraphs transition well. This aids in maintaining reader engagement and understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Breakdown of family structures
  • Peer pressure
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Exposure to violence
  • Lack of recreational facilities
  • Mental health issues
  • Substance abuse
  • Weak law enforcement
  • Single-parent families
  • Parental supervision
  • Illegal activities
  • Social acceptance
  • Poverty
  • Unemployment
  • Lack of education
  • Violent neighborhoods
  • Violent media
  • Recreational options
  • Idle time
  • Impulsive behaviors
  • Aggressive behaviors
  • Insufficient policing
  • Legal consequences
  • Deter
What to do next:
Look at other essays: