Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#leisure #activity #people #effects #popularity #individuals #society

Shopping become one of the

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

activities for the new generation nowadays. Society will face the advantages and disadvantages of

this

new entertainment habit in the future. in

this

essay, I want to discuss the reasons and consequences of it.

First,

to address the reasons why shopping is a beloved entertainment currently, I would like to bring your attention to the world–spread online shopping and how easy is it, With

this

type of accessibility, shopping will be more convenient and people do it more than past.

Secondly

, modern society provides various and uncountable goods that are new and exciting, so the ambition of shopping has been released.

Finally

, new shopping malls are raised every

second,

and if you have just a little free time you will prefer to spend in these fascinating places,

for example

, it is easier to go to a shopping mall in your city

center

Change the spelling

centre

show examples

and have fun

instead

of planning for a trip.

Furthermore

, the impacts of shopping proliferation are not deniable. Both the community and the community members have been affected by

this

new attitude.

This

development could affect both positively and negatively. It should be noted

this

trend has increased the number of sales and profits of companies which led them to open new factories and

consequently

, the number of employees will be added.

As a result

, people get more job opportunities.

On the other hand

, people who spend all of their income

for

Change preposition

show examples

purchasing unnecessary items are not

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

able to invest their money and they

would

Verb problem

are

show examples

faced with

obstacle

Fix the agreement mistake

obstacles

show examples

in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. In conclusion, shopping currently is very popular

over

Correct determiner usage

all over

show examples

the world and

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

involved with

results

Correct article usage

the results

show examples

of it

however

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society is been affected too .

Submitted by ostorr7213 on Wed Jun 12 2024

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coherence cohesion

While your ideas are clear, try to organize them slightly better. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and supporting details that relate directly to that idea.

task achievement

Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. An example from a personal experience or a more concrete example could make your points more compelling.

coherence cohesion

To improve clarity, work on sentence structure and grammar. For example, instead of the sentence 'Society will face the advantages and disadvantages of this new entertainment habit in the future,' consider 'Society will face various advantages and disadvantages as a result of this new trend in the future.'

task achievement

Your essay addresses the task effectively, discussing both reasons for the popularity of shopping and its effects on individuals and society.

coherence cohesion

The essay exhibits a logical flow, moving from reasons for shopping's popularity to its impacts. This progression helps the reader follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

leisure activity
consumer culture
emotional satisfaction
consumerism
advertising influence
online shopping platforms
sense of pleasure
social interaction
boost the economy
compulsive shopping
materialism
environmental degradation
unsustainable demand
social inequalities
status through possessions

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