Nowadays, children spend too much time watching TV and playing computer games. Some people believe this has negative effects on children's mental abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the current generation, the
rise
of usage
in electronic gadgets is observed everywhere allowing humanity to dream boundless. A similar rise
in electronic gadgets like TV and computer usage
is observed in young adults too. Like me many believes
,that Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
this
rise
of electronics
gadget Replace the word
electronic
usage
is developing negative effects on youth's mental abilities; reasons with examples will be provided explaining why I believe it this
way.
Initially
, back in 1900s
, spending Change the article
the 1900s
time
by
watching TV and playing games was somewhat beneficial for the youth, allowing Change preposition
apply
young
generation to provide information about their Correct article usage
the young
surrounding
and Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
thing
that are happening all around the world. Fix the agreement mistake
things
Also
, there were plenty of shows that would indirectly support in
personal development. Change preposition
apply
In
that Change preposition
At
time
young people
mostly were using electronic items either to connect or for their entainment
, making it limited to Correct your spelling
entertainment
effect
someone's mental abilities.
Correct your spelling
affect
However
, in current
generation, everything Add an article
the current
is
the Correct your spelling
in
children
revolve
around their electronic items, Correct subject-verb agreement
revolves
either
it's studying material, taking learning lessons or entertainment. Making them stay Correct word choice
whether
in-front
of their Correct your spelling
in front
screen
, leading them to stay longer period of time
in front of screen
. Add an article
the screen
a screen
This
affects children
mental abilities like cognitive and perception skills, Change noun form
children's
communication
skills- staying longer Correct word choice
and communication
period
in front of a Fix the agreement mistake
periods
screen
making
it harder for Wrong verb form
makes
a
Correct article usage
apply
people
to communicate and comprehend emotions with real people
. Recent
study in the Add an article
A recent
last
50 years, indicates a sudden rise
of over 40% people
showing intrusive behaviour in Change preposition
of people
children
. In addition
, social media are strategies their internet feeds in a way, that makes consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
to
spend more Change the verb form
apply
time
on it. Furthermore
. Spending more time
on screen
makes a child gain weight, which further
result
in health conditions like obesity, diabetes etc.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
results
usage
of electronic gadgets has multiple harmful effects. Correct article usage
the usage
Although
, it allows children
to learn from it. However
, it is a necessaity
for parents to understand and maintain the balance between its Correct your spelling
necessity
usage
.Submitted by nick
on
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task achievement
Review grammar and punctuation to avoid errors such as missing commas or incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'Like me many believes' should be 'Like me, many believe').
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to better illustrate and support your points (e.g., mention specific studies or data supporting your claims about the effects of screen time).
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure to improve clarity and readability. Avoid overly long sentences and try using shorter, more direct sentences where possible.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph support that main idea.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position on the issue and gives a preview of the arguments you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You provide a good historical context to contrast the past and present usage of electronic gadgets.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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