IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Topic: In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history oft h e house or building they live in.What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

#topic #countries #people #history #h #e #house #research
It is held these days, that many
people
 are becoming increasingly aware of where they were raised
while
 growing up and going back to check on their background and their neighbourhood.
Firstly
, some of the reasons for the research can be on health checks and the need to know the environmental factors that contributed to the condition they are in now.
For example
, a baby who was born in an industrial area will future develop respiratory diseases because of smoke inhalation in the environment.
Secondly
, historical tracing can be a reason for
this
 research by some
people
.
For example
, Imagine your forefathers being adopted into other countries during slavery. It encourages
one
 to find out where they are coming from and the need to go back to their roots.
Thirdly
, looking for family treasure can be another reason for
this
 search by some
people
. Some history being told to
this
 current generation about a treasure and in
such
 for riches may intrigue
one
 to look for the building or house to become rich.
For example
, being told
one
 belongs to rich forefathers who deal in Gold, will increase the interest for
one
 to look for a house to become rich. In conclusion,
people
 have a multitude of reasons to look for the buildings and houses they were raised in or want to live in for them to know how the building came about.
Submitted by dorkyaddo on

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task achievement
While your essay effectively responds to the task and provides clear reasons why people might want to learn about the history of their houses, adding more specific examples and elaboration on each point could enhance your task achievement. This will make your arguments more compelling and easier to understand.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and your ideas generally flow well. However, connecting sentences between ideas and paragraphs more cohesively would further improve your coherence. Additionally, creating smoother transitions between ideas and ensuring each paragraph sticks to one main point would improve overall readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your points well and reinforce your main ideas.
task achievement
You have responded fully to the task by addressing both the reasons people research the history of their houses and ways they can do this.
task achievement
The examples provided, while sometimes needing more specificity, effectively illustrate your points and make your arguments more concrete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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