Some people think that schools should concentrate on academic courses which are useful to the career of students; courses like music and sports are not useful and therefore should not be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #courses #career #students #music #sports

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These days academic

courses

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become more popular and have fascinated observers,

as a result

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of more useful careers.

In certain

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Certain

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people

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think that academic

courses

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are better than other

courses

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such

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as sports, music, and art.

While

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others believe that

side

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courses

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could enhance other skills that are important to life.

this

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essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion.

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show examples

one

Correct article usage

the one

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hand, several

people

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disagree with

side

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courses

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and they think that will waste time. Provided that other

courses

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could take more than two

hours

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daily

instead

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of academic

courses

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However

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, these two

hours

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could be specific for more useful lectures.

For example

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this

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type of

people

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will prefer to improve the

students

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student's

students'

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professional skills through academic lectures

instead

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sides

Fix the agreement mistake

side

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entertainment

courses

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Therefore

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, some

people

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think that academic

skills

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skills are

skills were

show examples

mandatory.

On the other hand

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, students need to interrupt studying by enjoying at least one or two

hours

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in entertainment and hobby sections to tolerate the academic

courses

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. To illustrate, if they handle seven

hours

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during the week without any enjoyment or rest they may depressed or become more and more stressed.

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addition

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addition,

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they in high extant can't consistently

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apply

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advance academically.

This

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proves clearly that without other

courses

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vast majority can't stand. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both points

view

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of view

show examples

, I believe that academic

courses

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and

sides

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side

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entertainment

courses

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are both important but, they should balance the time and I disagree with

replace

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replacing

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side

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courses

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with academic

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

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because enjoyment is

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apply

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essential to concentrate

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academic

courses

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. even if academic

courses

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are more popular compared with other

courses

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I agree with offering the

side

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courses

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Correct your spelling

too

show examples

Submitted by shahad.san966 on Wed Jun 12 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Consider expanding on each argument with more specific examples. For instance, discuss how learning music could aid in cognitive development or how sports might promote teamwork.

coherence cohesion

Work on refining your essay’s logical structure. Try ensuring smoother transitions between your ideas and paragraphs to improve the overall flow.

general advice

Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos. Though they do not significantly detract from the meaning, eliminating them can enhance coherence and reader understanding.

task achievement

You clearly presented both sides of the argument which demonstrates a balanced view on the topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively summarize your points.

task achievement

Your writing reflects a good attempt to engage with the question, showing a thoughtful consideration of different perspectives.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

275 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

well-rounded education
holistic development
traditional academic courses
multiple intelligences
personal growth
professional athlete
music therapist
soft skills
teamwork
discipline
leadership
stress relief
mental health
cultural enrichment
global career
cognitive abilities
concentration

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Some people think that schools should concentrate on academic courses which are useful to the career of students; courses like music and sports are not useful and therefore should not be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?

People aim to achieve a balance between their work and personal life, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

A teacher's duty is to teach, not to be a parent. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Where does the role of the parent finish and that of the teacher begin?

In the first most working people had went only one job why but now it is more and more people are having more than one job at a same time what is the reason for this development what are the advantage and disadvantage of having more than one job?