IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Although more and more people read news on the Internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #news #internet #newspapers #source
At the moment, more and more
people
 are advantage
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
internet
 I think
this
internet
 is more useful for
people
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 some
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mostly read
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
newspaper
 I find useful on the
internet
.
On the other hand
 ,Some
people
are reading
Wrong verb form
read
show examples
news
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
newspaper
 will remain the most important source
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, but I do not want to read
this
news
,
this
 it is not traditional
as well as
 tangibility. More older
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 are focused
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 it, but I hate to read
news
 on the it, because my childhood
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
very
more
Rephrase
much
show examples
 read
this
newspaper
 and,
thus
 I hate
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it.
This
newspaper
 has
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
untangibility
Change preposition
of untangibility
show examples
information
older
Change preposition
from older
show examples
 generation books,
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 ancient accommodation
picture
Fix the agreement mistake
pictures
show examples
 so
this
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is very boring for me.
For example
,
this
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
bad
Change preposition
of bad
show examples
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
information
 and I hate
this
information
.
Therefore
, I will not read
this
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on the it. The
Internet
 is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 fast search
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
information
 and forwarder the
information
Firstly
,
this
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 is
population
Correct article usage
a population
show examples
 summoner ,
for instance
 government to solve various problems .
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 the government could achieve a reduction in
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 quarreler by
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
, because So as combat tight issues together, many
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 around the world are cooperating.
Secondly
, All children
are going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to school every day and their parents
are see
Change the verb form
see
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 education
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
internet
 and they own their children.
Finally
, my country is taking with other countries export and import on the which,
as well as
 more countries are improvement by the
internet
. In conclusion, the
Internet
 and
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 are both the
best read
Add a hyphen
best-read
show examples
news
, but I always prefer the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Never do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
I
read
Rephrase
never read
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
newspaper
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
newspaper
 has very ancient things. I hate to see them. I
love
Add the particle
love to
show examples
 see
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
internet
 modern things.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but they could be developed further with more specific examples and detailed explanations. Try to elaborate on your points to create a more comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences that relate directly to that idea. This will help create a more logical structure.
introduction conclusion present
Make sure your introductory paragraph clearly states your opinion on the topic. Including a restatement of your opinion in the conclusion can also strengthen your essay.
logical structure
Transition words and phrases can help connect your ideas and make your writing flow more smoothly. For example, use phrases like 'for instance' or 'as a result' to link your ideas.
task achievement
It is great that you included both sides of the argument and provided your own opinion clearly.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, which is a good practice.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliable
  • credible
  • focused
  • immersive
  • tangibility
  • tradition
  • access
  • digital devices
  • demographics
  • older generation
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