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countries with a long average working day are likely to be more economically successful than other countries, but may suffer same negative social-consequences as a result. what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #social-consequences
Opinions vary regarding whether prolonged working
hours
 contribute positively to a nation's economic prosperity. Many contend that countries with extended workdays encounter multifaceted challenges stemming from
this
 practice. I wholeheartedly align with
this
 perspective. Undoubtedly, extended
work
hours
 can bolster a nation's economic wealth.
Such
 protracted
hours
 often lead to a heightened focus within industrial systems, thereby optimizing their efficiency.
Consequently
,
this
 optimization tends to substantially enhance a nation's financial prowess, thereby significantly elevating citizens'
overall
 quality of life. Take Japan and South Korea as prime examples, where a culture of long
work
hours
 has propelled both economies to become global powerhouses. Without
this
 dedication to prolonged
work
hours
, their economic robustness would not be as pronounced as it is today.
Nevertheless
, these purported benefits are not without their drawbacks. Prolonged
work
hours
 can have adverse effects on workers' mental well-being
due to
 heightened stress and pressure.
Consequently
,
this
 may lead to diminished productivity and instability within the country's economic framework. Japan serves as a poignant case in point, where the relentless demands of the workplace have contributed to alarming rates of stress-related illnesses among its workforce, leading to significant societal implications. In conclusion,
while
 harnessing the full potential of a workforce through prolonged
work
hours
 can undoubtedly yield economic advantages, it is imperative to recognize and address the associated challenges. Achieving a balanced approach that prioritizes both economic prosperity and the well-being of workers is essential for sustainable growth and societal harmony.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to enhance the overall coherence. For instance, linking the drawbacks of prolonged work hours in the second paragraph to their implications in the third paragraph could create a more seamless flow.
task achievement
You have identified and discussed the key points effectively, but consider briefly acknowledging counterarguments to add depth to your analysis. For instance, you might mention arguments made by proponents of longer working hours and then refute them with your evidence.
task achievement
Your introduction is clear and directly addresses the essay question, setting up your argument effectively.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples like Japan and South Korea is excellent; these instances substantiate your points well.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and restates the importance of balancing economic success with worker well-being.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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