IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Having babieslater can have more negative than positive effects on young adults? What is pros and cons about having babies later and how do you think?

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In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 a notable growth in
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of youths who opt to delay starting families.
This
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 is believed to be caused by a number of reasons
such
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 as
,
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apply
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further
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 education, career fulfilment and financial
independance
Correct your spelling
independence
. In
this
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 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of delaying
to have
Change the verb form
having
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babies
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 before
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 give my opinion. Nowadays people are obsessed with acquiring degrees and masters in their fields of study. After acquiring all these qualifications they start to pursue their careers. Most of them believe in securing a good job first before thinking of making
babies
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. When they start working they go
further
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 to
acquiring
Wrong verb form
acquire
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 wealth,
for instance
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, owning a car and a house. Basically, these are the reasons why most young adults choose to have
babies
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 later. It is crucial to educate these youths about the advantages and disadvantages of delaying having
babies
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 so that they will be well-informed in their decision-making. One major setback is on women, they have a certain
age
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that is
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 too risky to get pregnant. If a lady gets pregnant past the
age
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 of 35 they are prone to a number of complications, even the baby is
also
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 at risk of being unhealthy and disabled. So it is advisable for
female
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females
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 to have
children
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 in their early adulthood. Another problem is, when people have kids when they are old they risk their chances of seeing their offspring growing old, they might not be able to live to see their grandchildren either. Moreso, they will get to old
age
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while
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 still looking after their offspring because they will be still young, had they conceived them earlier the
children
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 would have been grown old enough to take care of their parents in their old
age
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.
On the other hand
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, having
children
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 later has its own advantages.
Firstly
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, one will be well matured to take care of the
babies
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. It takes knowledge and commitment to raise a child in a good way.
Secondly
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, the
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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 will be financially stable to provide for the
children
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. There is nothing more painful as a parent to see your
children
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 struggling to get their basic needs. In conclusion, I believe it is more important for women to have
children
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 earlier because of the health risks that come with old
age
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, for the safety of the child and the mother.
However
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on
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for
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 men, it goes with preference, but it is important to note that
children
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 are precious gifts from God, and every parent should make sure they are in a position to provide all the basics for their
children
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.

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task achievement
Ensure that every main point is consistently supported with specific examples and evidence. This would strengthen your argument and provide more clarity to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Refine the transition between paragraphs and ideas to make them smoother, ensuring coherence. Using more cohesive devices effectively can help in achieving a seamless flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structures and reducing minor grammatical errors. This would make your writing clearer and enhance readability.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay, providing a clear roadmap for the reader.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion neatly summarizes the main ideas and states your opinion clearly, which provides a strong ending to your essay.
task achievement
You've done well in discussing both advantages and disadvantages of having babies later, giving a balanced view on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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