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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has a negative effect on their social lives. To what do you agree or disagree?

#forms #communication #email #amount #time #people #friends #effect #lives
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The amount of
time
Use synonyms
people
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 spend seeing their
friends
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 has diminished. The main cause is that modern forms of
communication
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such
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 as WhatsApp, telegram and other
communication
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 apps.
This
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 has a detrimental effect on social lives. In my view, I agree that the
time
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people
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 spend seeing their
friends
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 is essential, albeit life requirements can be caused to separate
people
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 from their
friends
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. One of the major reasons, the
time
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people
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 spend seeing their
friends
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 is essential is that it helps each other.
For example
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, I need to repair some of the places in my home, which alone I can not do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Although
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 I can call my friend to come to help me in
this
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 situation. We can do it very fast and obviously. If my friend had been far away I could not repair it on my own. I need to find some builder for reparation, which it takes more
time
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 to fund and I should pay him for reparation. Another example is that at the weekend they can spend their
time
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 happily, like organising some parties or going to the cinema.
Nevertheless
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, modern forms of
communication
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such
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 as email and messaging play an equally important role between
people
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 and their
friends
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 prefer to spend
time
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 with
friends
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 or have a home near their
friends
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, albeit the main cause of being distance between
people
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 is distance and their
friends
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 is a life requirement. In
this
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 situation, modern forms of
communication
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 like email and messaging play an equally important role.
People
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 can use
this
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 type of
communication
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 and obviously be aware of the circumstances of their
friends
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.
However
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, in my childhood, I had a good friend and we spent a lot of
time
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 with each other,
although
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 they relocated their home far away. There are for that we did not use modern
communication
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, to
this
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time
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 we are not in contact. In conclusion,
while
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 I agree that
people
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 spend their
time
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 on face-to-face chat is an essential part of
people
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's relationships, I firmly assert that using modern ways of
communication
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 is remarkably important for those who lack
time
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 to meet.
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on providing clearer connections between your ideas to improve logical structure.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points and strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure your ideas comprehensively cover all aspects of the topic for a complete response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments well.
Task Achievement
You have articulated relevant ideas and examples to support your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern forms of communication
  • email
  • messaging
  • reduce
  • amount of time
  • see friends
  • social lives
  • technology
  • communication
  • faster
  • convenient
  • stay in touch
  • connect
  • online
  • social media platforms
  • meet new people
  • face-to-face interactions
  • maintain relationships
  • excessive reliance
  • social isolation
  • digital communication
  • emotional depth
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