IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Disscuss both view and give your own opinion

#people #manufacturers #malls #products #responsibility #disscuss
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Many individuals believe that companies and shopping malls should reduce the amount of packaging for their goods. Whilst, the majority of
people
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 argue that customers have the responsibility to buy products using less packaging. The writer holds the belief that both sellers and customers are going to solve
this
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 problem to save the environment in our world. Beginning sellers have to reduce the
materials
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 which they package the product,
plastic
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materials
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 play an important role in the products, even its cost-efficiency, useful and cheaper for manufacturers easy get access.
However
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, it increases the big problems for the wildlife where they live,
this
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 can lead to a variety of issues for the natural habitat.
Instead
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 of using
plastic
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 which is difficult to recycle and causes many effects to the environment, manufacturers can
also
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 replace it with biodegradable
materials
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such
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 as paper and bamboo.
Furthermore
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, these
materials
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 can be recycled to become fertilizer for plants may protect and improve the environment.
However
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, some
people
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 make the criticism that customers have the responsibility to buy goods with less packaging.
Thus
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,
people
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 may be active in bringing their own bags when going to the market if they have enough awareness to improve the quality of natural habitat.
Moreover
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,
people
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 may understand that products which have complicated packaging may be expensive. And if they do not want to waste their money, they will choose the basic way that put it in the bag they already wear when going out.
This
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 writer gives the opinion that it is more active when
people
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 are aware of the effects litters bring to our lives. Despite
plastic
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 being more convenient, it causes a big problem for health issues , especially in the
plastic
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 box containing hot food. Bringing their own box, bottle and bag may reduce the money for plastics and improve our health. In conclusion, there might be two opinions to dropping down the number of packaged things. I still believe that it is more convenient and reduces cost when buying goods.
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task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument adequately but could include more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention a statistic or a real-world example where reducing packaging has had positive environmental effects.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, try to make your points more logically connected. Use transitional phrases to link your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are clear but could benefit from more detailed explanation and stronger evidence. For instance, instead of just saying biodegradable materials protect the environment, explain how they break down and their specific benefits.
task achievement
There is a need to enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of some ideas. Explain why certain actions, like using biodegradable materials or bringing your own bag, are beneficial in a bit more detail.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have presented both viewpoints and provided your own opinion, which satisfies the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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