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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph shows the average Japanese month salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1983, and the prices of black and white televisions and color televisions during the same period.

The graph shows the average Japanese month salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1983, and the prices of black and white televisions and color televisions during the same period.
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The given line graph illustrates the average monthly income of the
Japanese
Use synonyms
 and the
prices
Use synonyms
 of televisions (black & white and colour) from 1953 to 1983.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
while
Linking Words
 the average
Japanese
Use synonyms
 monthly salary rose, television
prices
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant drop during the
period
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the same time frame,
TV
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 were mostly higher than the
Japanese
Use synonyms
 mean earnings. Regarding the
prices
Use synonyms
 of television, black and white
Use synonyms
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
 cost 110
thousand
Use synonyms
yen
Use synonyms
 in 1970, which was the highest figure throughout the
period
Use synonyms
 shown. 10 years later, a significant decrease of 70
thousand
Use synonyms
yen
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 cost was recorded. The
prices
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 of
this
Linking Words
 type of
TV
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 gradually fell to almost roughly one-fifth
thousand
Use synonyms
yen
Use synonyms
 in 2000. Similar patterns can be observed in the cost of colour
TV
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.
Although
Linking Words
 the price of
this
Linking Words
 means of entertainment was a hundred when it first appeared in 1980, it declined to only half
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. In terms of salary, at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
, the
Japanese
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 only earned 20
thousand
Use synonyms
yen
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 monthly.
This
Linking Words
 number gradually increased by 10
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 1995 and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
, the average monthly salary of people living in Japan grew to approximately 70
thousand
Use synonyms
yen
Use synonyms
 in 2000.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, prices, period, tv, thousand, yen with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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