IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or dissagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives #dissagree
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The ultimate goal of
science
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 must be to make human life better.
This
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 essay will discuss
on
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apply
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reasons why
this
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 statement is true.
Science
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 is a human gift, the gift that differentiates us from the rest of living creatures on
this
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 earth. It is the result of our
curiosity
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 and our ability to look for concrete solutions to every problem. One of the examples of
this
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 is Sir Isaac Newton’s most significant finding, which was gravity. The Gravity Concept would not have been found without Newton’s
curiosity
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 about how an apple fell off a tree.
Not to mention
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 the invention of the light bulb, little did Sir Edison know that his finding would light up the earth forever. A large number of the most life-changing findings are rooted in the
curiosity
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 that turns into
science
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 and solves problems.
Nevertheless
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,
science
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also
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 has the potential to be misused. Everything has two sides, so when
science
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 can make the
world
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 better, it can
also
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 destroy it. The invention of the atomic bomb is one of the most significant examples,
this
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 invention caused massive death and long-term damage to Hiroshima and Nagasaki during the
world
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 war
,
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 and gave human the power to destroy their own race.
Thus
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,
science
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 should be used wisely and can only aimed at making the
world
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 better. Human
curiosity
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 should be limited by lowering one’s ego, by being more emphatical and ethical.
This
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 limitation can
also
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 be set and made into a rule book, that binds every scientist worldwide. To summarize,
science
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 is indeed the best thing that human has. It has great power to answer any questions that pop up in every human’s head.
However
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, it is
also
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 our decision to make, whether to use
this
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 power to make the
world
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 better or to destroy it.
Submitted by azkalfath07 on

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Task Achievement
Develop your introduction and conclusion further for better clarity and impact. Introduce the topic briefly and then state your viewpoint clearly in the introduction. In the conclusion, succinctly summarize the main points and reiterate your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Utilize a wider range of linking words to enhance the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the readability and cohesion of your essay.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more in-depth and diversified examples to support your arguments. While you have provided some examples, expanding on these or adding different instances would strengthen your essay.
Task Achievement
Be cautious of making generalizations without sufficient evidence or reasoning. When making claims, especially about the potential negative impacts of science, provide balanced views and specific examples to support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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